One of the best things that I have discovered during the wedding planning process is other people's opinions on what we should be doing, or focusing on, what we must have or do, on the day and who we must have attend.
I have to say, that my family may have not been great financially, luckily, they've been terribly supportive when it comes to our plans, ideas and invitation list. As has Ro's Mother and Sister.
However, not everyone sees it that way and this has caused the largest rift known to one family. Ro has a family member who at times has caused upset before: emptied his Mother's house of her belongings (following his Father's death) as she was moving to a smaller house, whether she had hoped to sell or retain those items; told his pregnant Sister that she'd probably miscarry during her second trimester or could always have a still born birth; and insisted on scattering Ro's Grandfather's ashes without his Mother, him or his Sister present, citing the tidal timetable as the reason it had to be right then and there, and not even giving their Gran the chance to prepare emotionally, or mentally for the event.
These are just some occasions where people have been upset, and I believe this particular person doesn't do it maliciously or with intent to upset, I really do believe they mean well, they just fail to see why others may not be happy or agree with their decisions. They lack forethought and consideration, but that is all it is, for some reason it has never been raised before and therefore they've continued to behave this way without ever questioning whether it was the right thing to do, or the right way to approach the situation, etc.
Due to the above occurrences, we did not want them present on our wedding day. My parents had a wedding run and controlled by my Mum's Mum, and my Mum has always said that our wedding is ours and that they won't get involved, and they have lived up to this, one of my brother's eloped and they didn't blink an eye, and in regards to all of our decisions (so far) they have been 100% supportive.
We had hoped that we would be able to not invite them and be left to it, I did suggest first of all that we send a card explaining but Ro didn't want to. Skip a month later and we've had three different family members trying to find ways to make it so that this family member can be present...totally ignorant of our wishes. We were left with only one approach, to be mature and contact this particular family member directly explaining our decision. Ro's Mum was hesitant to give us their contact details but did so. We didn't want to discuss it over the phone as conversations can be misquoted and can become heated very quickly. So we felt email was best, we wrote and rewrote the email, a lot. Which was wasted energy, as it transpires that whatever we did, it wouldn't have been well received, we could have wrapped it in gold, put it in a Tiffany's box, written it in the sky and we would always have ended up the terrible villains.
So now we haven't just gained two seats from other members of Ro's family not being able to attend, we have gained an additional 4 seats, possibly 5, all because this particular family member has decided that if they can not come, no one else should.
To make matters worse, Ro's Gran hasn't once phoned him or tried to find out why he didn't want this family member present, she has automatically decided he is an awful person and has disowned him, which is such terribly upsetting behaviour, especially for a Christian. During this time, I haven't seen any understanding, forgiveness, or acceptance, just judgement, vengeance and disregard for his feelings.
The most upsetting thing is that Ro just wanted his Gran present, especially as she missed his Sister's wedding. He doesn't get to see her often and with the loss of his Granfather last year, it would have meant so much. Aren't families, and weddings, wonderful?!