Tonight, I sobbed!
I sobbed more than I have since my heart got broken for the first time. I sobbed more tonight, than I did in 2005! Tonight was a night, it had so many highs but one of the most depressing lows of all times, and if back during 2005 someone had told me I wouldn't sob that much until 2009, I would have sobbed my heart out ten times more!
This weekend, I lost a good friend. A loyal, funny kind of guy. A charming, adorable, loving kind of guy. The kind of guy who makes a rainy day seem ok. The kind of guy who makes a quiet night in the pub, an unwasted night. The kind of guy who is just happy to exist!
This guy, random as it is to say, it is a dog! But he was more than that and will always represent more than that. When I found out the devastating news yesterday, after phoning his mum and dad, I phoned my best friend. She's always been a dog person (I have not), maybe that is what makes this the more profound, he was the dog who made me like dogs. He (I should use his name, no matter how much it hurts), Bruno, was that dog, the dog! The only dog. The gentle giant, the kind, considerate, understanding fellow, who made the complexities in life seem so juvenile,
I first met Bruno in 2004 at a birthday party. I was weary, he was a rottweiler, I was a simple human, his jaws could rip me limb to limb, my simple jaws could talk the ass off a donkey! I soon met him on a one to one level, when I went to work in his pub and he made me fall in love with dogs. Bruno made me want to own my own dog. He was calm and accepting and moody, don't get me wrong, he could strop his arse off but it was all apart of his character but most of all, he was respectful and loving, kind and considerate, entertaining, protective and amazing! He was Bruno and only Bruno, he was nothing more or less but he was perfect, beautiful and oh so loving!
I haven't fully accepted that Bruno has departed from this world. I guess tomorrow night when I enter work and he never barks for me to let him upstairs, maybe it'll settle in, Maybe when I forget for a second and I ask if he needs to go out or maybe when I tell the customers to not feed the dog, no matter how hungry he makes himself look, it'll truly sink in, who knows?! I guess time will tell. I've been crying for over two hours now, I'm not sure if these are tears for Bruno or just tears because I can?! I'm pretty sure they are all for him (which is more random than you'll ever know, as 5 years ago, I'd never believe anything could make me feel this miserable) but Bruno wasn't just anything, he was a good friend. And right now all my thoughts are directed at Lianne and Tom and for the loss of their good friend, child even.
Bruno is and always will be the reason I like dogs. He will always hold a little doggy space in my heart, as he made me realise that dogs are more than pets. I finally get that dogs are friends, companions and members of the family. And Bruno was all of those things to myself (as well as to others) and more. Bruno, you'll be missed more than you'll ever know! x