Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Breast pain and lumps

On the 23rd November, I went to the Doctors. Since my last miscarriage, I have had various pains in my boobs. It started out in both but recently it has been concentrated on to my right boob.
I have had aching and throbbing, my areola has changed shape and colour, I feared my nipples looked inverted at one point but I don't think they did, my right boob is a very different shape and size to the left one, they were similar looking beforehand, it almost looks used up. I also had a bout of fatigue. I was concerned, as they are all symptoms of breast cancer and I'm a hypochondriac!

However on Tuesday night I felt a small lump on the upper outer side of my left breast and freaked! Poor Rowan had to try and comfort was no use. I have had a breast mouse before but it was in the wrong place for cancer, so could calm myself that way. Also it completely disappeared after my cycle completed, so off I skipped into the merry world of make believe, thinking of my immortality.

By the time I reached the Doctors, I knew he would say it was a breast mouse and not to worry and to come back after my next cycle had finished. He said exactly that and explained that my hormones probably weren't settled after my MC, he was very kind, friendly, and understanding too.

On Sunday night, the 25th Oct, I found a second lump at the outer base of my left breast, queue mass hysteria again.

On Monday morning I was the first person in my clinic, exclaiming that I didn't mind losing my boobs I just wanted to keep my life. I asked for the Doctor to call me, which he did. Once again, he was calm and friendly explaining that it's probably my hormones and that two small lumps were particularly linked to cancer.

By Friday, the 30th, I had a third lump, this time on the upper outer side of my left breast. Pain and discomfort in buckets with it, I couldn't sleep on my left side and found bras extremely uncomfortable, along with shooting pains in my armpits and down my arm. Once again, I reminded myself that it's hormones and that I shouldn't panic. However I also had a lump on my right ear, so popped back to the Doctors and he said that it was 100% unrelated, which I had assumed already and that I should apply a particular cream. I informed him of my third lump and he said it all seemed to fit with his theory.

I have since started my next cycle, on day two (yesterday) I had some sharp stabbing pains in my right arm pit, upon further inspection I found a lump, queue a restless night freaking out again. However I read this morning that lumps and pain in the armpits and boobs are completely normal during your cycle and that you shouldn't  feel or look for them before or during your cycle, as you'll find them. I am now keeping calm and waiting for at least three days after my cycle ends to have a feel around, dear God, I hope they've all disappeared, along with the pain and discomfort.

Randomly, they do coincide with my Miscarriages, as I had the one before 2-3 months after my first miscarriage and these ones have been 3-4 months later, however this time round the miscarriage was a little different.

Fingers crossed it is just the those joyous hormones, that control our vessels!

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Loose Bowels

For some reason, the gym I have been frequenting constantly has stinky lavatories. I guess the joys of exercise has been greasing the bowels and allowing we ladies to create vile stenches, trapped behind full height doors.

Additionally, the lavatories at work have full height doors and fire door hinges, which results in the smells being trapped for all eternity, I take a lot of deep breathes when near the loos in Regents Place. If only it did smell and look like Roses.

Monday, November 09, 2015

Wedding Planning

Since getting engaged (February this year), we haven't done very much in regards to the wedding, we compiled our preferred guest list, which consisted of 115 people, expecting 90 to attend. Fuck, that's a lot of people to buy dinner for, but every single one is important or proper good fun!

Since then, we've spoken about it on and off, moved it from the Oxfordshire countryside, to Central London, to East London, to South London, to Swansea, to Gorseinnon, to who knows where next!

We've gone from having it at a Hotel, to a Marquee, to an Abandoned Building, to a Sound Studio, to a Pub, to a Barn, to a Field. As I explained to my Grandma when she asked about our plans recently "there are too many options, therefore you can have anything and everything, which makes deciding far too hard".

One of my friends got engaged in July and was joking that she'd probably be married before me, I wouldn't be surprised. When I met up with her two months later, she was on the same page as us, realising that it was just a lot of work and money and decisions and putting it off, or not committing was a lot easier, than actually planning and arranging it.

I recently thought that a vineyard in Wales would be a lovely option, off to Google I went, however most of them weren't taking bookings in 2016 anymore. And then I found this: Fforest
The idea of a weekend of celebrations and fun with my friends and family is perfect, however the cost is something else...we shall see.

Wednesday, November 04, 2015


I ran for 15 minutes straight today, covering 1500m. I really wanted to call my Secondary School PE Teacher and let her know. She was trying to get me to do that when I was 15 and I failed every time, I beamed all day about this and told everyone I met, they don't get it, they don't know but I do!