Saturday, March 31, 2007

Up gear, down gear, no gear.

So, I had a blast last night at Nell's party, it was ace. The whole night was a joyous event with interesting people.
I drank quite a bit and had some brilliant conversations with some people I'd never met before. We played 'What's in the rucksack?', which was quite funny and rather revealing, I got it totally wrong, spoke about naming inanimate objects and then discussed religion with a lovely chap until 6.30am. Got home and to bed at 7am, oppsy!

11am, a very nice chap turns up to remove the crap from our garden and assess the state of the garden...4 hours sleep, not happy. Hangover kicking in, yeah!

Finally get some energy and drive to work to clean up after the band in the studio. Come home to find my car struggling with gear you know, I had a gurgling and had been informed that my gearbox was becoming buggered and that my clutch was on it's way out...get to the Oxford ring road, hello can't get in to gear, finally manage it, with a mild patch of panic and carry on home, trying to hurry the traffic on as I go. Get to Cowley Road, stall, not happy...some bastard bus driver, decides he'll make gestures at me, yeah because I choose for my clutch to break...Cunt!
Phone the father, he suggests Mr Clutch, as I thought that was the problem and wa-hey - my gearbox has broken and is pissing gearbox oil out everywhere, I've left a trail of oil all the way from East Oxford to the Shire and back...not good! £1300 to fix it, can't be done till Thursday, I start to cry...general life, no money, no sleep, shit car = hysteria!. am not paying £1300 for a car only worth £1700. Call the AA, this heap of Fiat shit, isn't going anywhere on it's own!!!
Mr Clutch 'Simon' is a lovely bloke, he gives me a glass of water, I finally calm down, he continues to entertain me while I wait for the AA to show up and cart my car away to a farm in the south of Oxfordshire. Call Howardo, she comes and comforts me and makes me feel not so crap, (Mr Clutch 'Simon' will be getting a big thank you in the shape and taste of a lovely bottle of red wine, I hope he drinks?!).
Mr AA arrives, I give him the directions and contact details for the farm and the chap, Dave, who’s going to be receiving.
And Howardo and I head down the Cowley Road to carry on with our lives.

Have another chat with the father and he says that they'll run the granny-mobile to me tomorrow, when the whole family come to eat lunch...yeah, the granny-mobile is wicked! It's a Mazda 323, it's ancient from way back when, in the day of your!

Isn't she a beauty!!!

It's cream, has a lovely blue interior, a manual choke, only a radio no tape or cd player, 4 gears, no central locking, wind down windows and the all important factor of all, low mileage.
I remember being driven around by my grandparents in it as a kid, it was always kept in immaculate condition, you know in that way that only old people can do...and now it's going to be my temporary only fear is that it may get wrecked on the Cowley Road by students and the like...bloody drunken fools. I hope they can show it some courtesy.

So here's to my car and its shit gearbox and also to the granny-mobile!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

The Greatest Month is soon to begin...

I really wanted to write something about how much I love April, not because it's my birthday month, as the month starts, 3 days later my birthday has gone by without so much of a blink of an eye.

It's more because it's one of the better changing seasonal months. We all love March, as it's the first glimpse of Summer we see, there are sunny warm days, sunny windy days, occasional rainy days and the blossom starts to bloom and the baby animals start to pop out and up everywhere.

So yes March is great, amazing weather most of the time and is generally the first piece of relief after winter but April, ahh April, April is the cold reminder that Spring is not Summer. It comes with the rain and the overcast days, it starts off the clouded warmer night, after the stark cold clear winter nights, the grass turns slightly greener due to the rain. And then towards the end of it, something happens...around the 20th, the rain always buggers off, the clouds start to part a little more and the morale of people starts to cheer up, the flowers start to bloom larger and brighter, and best of all the blossom starts to fall like snow to welcome May.

And then there is May Day, which is always a bloody good laugh and so much fun. I love having a fry up at 6am with a pint, no better way to waste my sleeping time. Especially as last May Day was shit but thankfully relived me from a large noose around my neck..this year will be grand!


Friday, March 23, 2007

If only...

I'm just watching the end of the new James Bond film 'Casino Royale', I'm thinking that the 1970's David Niven one was better but what do I know?! Anyhow, thanks to 'Casino Royale', I'm now extremely nostalgic for Venice. I tripped there with the mother in 2005 and fell in love (as I also did with New York, or "Neew Yoirk" as the locals would say, way back during my 18th year of life), so watching it now, while Daniel Craig and the French bird, pretending to be English, sail on through has got me pining.
I want to return, revisit the beautiful magic city, but this time, instead of the mother, a handsome chap, with charisma and charm, a gorgeously swanky hotel and loads of romantic walks and dinner, t'would be nice!

I just wanna go back, and while there I'll learn some more Italian, as saying 'Il conto, per favore' at Mario's, doesn't quite live up to my Italian dream.

Am currently eating some very nice homemade soup that Mr Conway brought me up from the studio, it's truly delicious. Was going to buy some bread, as there is nothing like bread and chunky butter with soup but I'm quite content without.

Enjoy your weekends my sweets, I just want someone to take me to Venice, nothing more. Someday my prince will come, as Snow White sang, but let's hope I don't have to constantly pick up after seven small men, be poisioned and buried in a glass coffin, before hand.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Presents I won't except..

Smellies - I had enough fucking smellies when I was at secondary school and none of us had a creative enough mind to buy anything else, other than that "Strawberry selection pack from Superdrug that came with a free bottle of Charlie Red". So no thank you. I'm finally getting round to getting rid of the last load I was given over the last few years, it's quite enough of all that. Charity shops do love me though, I donate so much crap...doing my bit for Charitee.

Candles and the like - I've already got two shoe boxes of candles, incense, oil burners, etc. I do not smell and nor does my room/house. I like Candles but they have their place. To buy someone the right ones, would involve a close examination of their lifestyle. I do like incense but thanks to a small shop in Abingdon called Escapade (it opened when I was about 12 and at the height of my incense and candle loving days), I've enough to last me an entire lifetime.

Any Chocolate other than Cadbury's - I'm not a fan, unless it's Nestle White Chocolate. I never have been...I just don't really like Mars, Nestle chocolate, or any other type.

Pants/Knickers - If you happened to randomly think this might be a good idea, it's not. I always buy my knickers a size larger than I need, as for comfort and VPL are so hideous, especially when they dig in from being too small. So if you do decide it's a good idea...French knickers in a size 12 please...oh and only natural material.

Rose Wine - I'm not a fan of the stuff at all...why be that indecisive? Either have red or white, it's not that hard and it's not as though there isn't options, most places have a selection from dry to medium and full bodied to light. For shitting Christ sake...get some wine experience and drink proper wine. This does not however include Pink Champagne, that's fine, perfectly fine.

Vodka - If you want to watch me puke for 24 hours and loose all will to do anything other than hog the toilet seat, buy me Vodka and then spike my drink. I won't thank you and nor will anyone else. And those of you who say that Vodka has no taste or smell, your wrong my whole body jerks and freezes, as soon as vodka touches my lips with or without my knowing. Allergies are so much fun!

Clothes - I don't mind clothes per say, it's more that when people do buy me clothes, they always buy the wrong size. Just because I look tall and thin, with no hips, doesn't mean that I am tall and thin with no hips. And why is it, when I tell people this, they always say "Yeah, whatever, surely you're a size 8?", as though I've been fooling myself all these years and their one comment will make me fess up to having worn the wrong sized clothes for the last 5 years?! I think I fucking know what clothing size I am, after all I do buy my clothes and wear them.
If you do buy me clothes, 10-12 (Medium) is perfect...I hate being squeezed in to my clothes, I like freedom of movement, so if you're unsure buy me the larger and I can always exchange it or adapt it, if it's that bit to big. If you want to get truly technical, Size 10 lower half, size 12 upper half.

That's about it. Probably best to stick to the presents I'll except list, unless you know me really well.

P.S. I forgot to add Wine on that list - Medium Whites and Fruity Reds.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I want, sorry would like...

Below you'll all find a fantastic list of presents I'll happily accept for my birthday:

Creme Eggs (I would say in all shapes and sizes, but this is not true, as the fondant in the small ones is gross!), Double Deckers are also a fantastic option. If I was going for the jugular of all Chocolate bars, I'd opt for a Wispa (and no, Cadbury's Bubbly is not a good remake, not at all!!! It's lies, all lies!) but that would involve time travel, which really is to much to ask and expect.

Socks, preferably in my size but I'm really not fuss, with fun shapes and colours would be a pleasure. I'm a size 6-7.

Anything on my Amazon wishlist, listed under Pipsywoo and don't judge, just because I like a lot of crap, I've got to put up with it, not just observe and move along.

Tickets to the theatre, only good theatre though. Gift Vouchers of any size, in general are good and yes I know I sound like an old person, I except it's a classic old person comment and so is the following comment, they are are vests, warm coats and ugly shoes.

Dinners, offers or restaurants either are good...I bloody love food.

Bottles of Champagne will be accepted and appreciated if chillled, but not appreciated if drunk.

Obviously Re: previous posts a blender would be so much appreciated but unlikely, can't wait to buy one...yeah! Frozen Margaritas!!!

Failing all of the above, a fantastic costume, a large smile and your presence would be enough to make me a happy person.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Lost's John Locke - A Marvellous Man

Now since Lost started, I've found myself fighting with my Lost loving friends. Many of them found John Locke's character sinister and odd. I find him endearing and lovable.

I love how he constantly has a slight smile on his face and with his new scar from the plane crash he's so cute, there really is nothing like a scar on the face of a man, to make him look butch and adorable.

Now, Lost did a fantastic job of making this amazing character on the borderline, is he a misunderstood huntsman or is he a sinister bloke with his own agenda, who knows! I think that is why he's one of the only characters who hasn't been assigned in a certain way. He was given a scar due to the crash to make him look scary, had a briefcase of knives, constant smile on his face, etc...all of his background stories have shown him as an angry gentle but misunderstood individual, a sweet natured kind soul and yet some of my friends are adament that he's evil or wrong.

He's not, he's marvellous. And he got the use of his legs back, a walking miracle to state nothing else.

I love him and think he's of my ultimate favourites!

How could anyone with face like this be evil?!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Bloody learner drivers.

Today I've been followed (I say followed but they are always in front of me which implies I'm stalking them, although I'm not) by every bloody learner driver on the roads of Oxfordshire. Every time I got rid of one, another would crop up and totter along in front of me, causing me to get annoyed. And not only are they out in force and copying my every move, they are also just starting out in the driving stakes, so therefore stalling, weaving, not indicating, breaking 30 meters away from the hazard, etc, bloody people. I try and be considerate, as I don't want to add to their nerves and I remember what it was like to be a learner (all those years ago) but bloody fucking hell, Jesus, Joseph and Mary - Fucking get out of my way and off the roads, until you've learnt to drive.

A future blog of mine, will be one about bi-cycling and how much fun it is, in and around the city of Oxford. You'll also be introduced to the Fluorescent Wonder, if you haven't already seen me flying around on her. She really is a beauty to behold.
And no, I'm not choosing bi-cycling over driving, hell no but it is a handy alternative in a city, where the Council constantly rip up the roads, make it hell to get from one side to the other, charge ridiculous prices for parking and remove parking spaces whenever they fancy.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

RIP my blender.

I am a lover of gadgets and general kitchen appliances. One of my favourite being the blender.
Now I feel sorry for blenders generally, as they are always over looked by numerous other appilances such as Sandwich Toasters/George Foremans, Deluxe Corkscrew sets, Kettles that change colours, Steamers, Expensive Knives, Milk frothers and Coffee Makers, to name a few.
Now of course there are the variations on the blender - food processors, hand held blenders, even smoothy makers (which get me so mad, they are blenders with a spout, what the fuck is the point, god this vexes me so much and I can't help but rant away - When I see one, I get so angry and generally have to have a word with the person who owns it. And yes my friend Jo had one and I told her what I thought, she soon learnt to hide it from my eyes when I visited) but my favourite is the classic, upright jugged blender, there's nothing mightier or more practical and they always look so regal on the work top, they are one of the appliances that have right of place on the work counter and not hidden in a box or cupboard some where. They stand so tall and proud and if you've taken great care in choosing your's, then it is probably glass, with black and shiny metal bits, it deserves to be admired by the passing visitors. there are no gimicks with them, they are straight talking machines, works of art and they never fail. They were designed with such care that they are easy to take apart and clean, what a marvel of design, creation, art, etc!

I am currently mourning the death of my old one. He was six months old and very pretty. He wasn't ideal, he was cheap, from Sainsbury's and wouldn't blend certain thick things, he'd freak out if you put him on his highest setting and as for his ice crushing option, yeah right whatever?! But he was a genius little thing and I adored him so much, when I bought him, I was so happy, I bounced up and down with glee! So to discover while trying to make soup last night, that he'd been cracked right down his side, straight through, was devastating, although watching the chicken stock pour out of the side was quite entertaining. I am slowly diposing of him bit by bit, I feel the pain will be less this way.

So, if anyone is lost on what to get me for my 'Quarter of a Century' birthday, a state of the art blender wouldn't go amiss, although you may want to buy with a friend of mine, as a good one, who does all he promises is around £50+ but I think I'm worth it.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

A favour...

...if anyone sees Britney Spears, can they please give the girl a hug, offer her a pork pie with maybe some Branston Pickle on the side and lend her an ear to talk in to but DO NOT sell the story, as that would be mean.


Random items to shopping

I just had to pop to Sainsbury's a short while ago and I had to buy two random items.
I was hoping that there would be a witty comment or a pun or a general one liner from the cashier but nothing, god damn, not even a knowing look. When did these people learn not to pry?! Since when did these people have respect to not comment. I remember being one of these people and I was rarely respectable or considerate...hell no, it's no fun. Sat on a cashier for 8 hours, in two 4 hour breaks, with 15 minute breaks in both halves. It's godly boring, quips, puns, one liners, witty remarks, smart arse comments and knowing looks are all I had to save me from going crazy.
I mean if someone had bought a pack of condoms and a cucumber at the same time, a knowing smile would be demanded, at least. So why not when someone buys the below products!!! Bloody Sainsbury's did a better job at removing their cashier's personalities, than Waitrose ever did!

On an upside, look how pretty the power station looked this morning, a beautiful archway over the poetic cooling towers. Oh so pretty.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I can confirm...

...that Peppermint Tea and Ginger Nut biscuits do not go together.

It's not advisable.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Cor, I forgot... tasty, a good cup of tea and a ginger nut biscuit is.
I'm telling you right now, if you've got the chance to invest in this ideal tea break snack, you should do so.