Monday, January 29, 2007

Fuck YEAH!!!

The new series of America's Next Top Model is on tonight, I'm oh so excited, it is the greatest show and I can't wait to see who the next Jade will be.....yeah!!!!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

The Static Charged Jeremy Kyle Show

I haven't really watched that much Jeremy Kyle of late, there is only so much polyester, screaming obscenities at the tops of their smoked effect voices with their badly enunciated speech, TV watching that I can do, before I start wanting to kill myself or buy a stately home somewhere remote, to continue my belief that Georgian (2007) England is a marvellous place, where women are ladies (who wear dresses, cross their ankles, sit up straight, do the daily household chores like embroidery, speak in such pretty voices and are generally marvellous human beings) and men are gentlemen (who wear britches, ride horses, find it hard to say the right words to express how they are feeling, defend the honour of every lady and are generally marvellous).

I used to quite enjoy Trisha though, as she'd been everywhere and done everything...she'd have a guest on the show who'd be a scag hooked prostitute, who was beaten by their mother, sexually assaulted by their dad, ridiculed and made to feel worthless by their uncle and her brother would be her drug dealing pimp and Trisha would have done it a little better, by doing it while constantly juggling and on a unicycle...god she was great.

But Jeremy Kyle just tells people that everyone gets a say on his show and then when they try to say something, he shouts at them...I do however, love how he always penalises one of them, in the typical bad guest/good guest stylee.

The average person in the audience, look as though they didn't know that there is a difference between man-made and natural fibres. And with the glare and shine the camera picks up when it swings round to the audience, it leads me to believe that they are on average wearing man-made fibres, as well as too much blusher, a base which is wrong for their skin tone, a bra 3 sizes to small and were unable to get to their mate to have their toilet bleach highlights retouched.
Now generally in studios, there is a lot of electric energy running around the studio, with cameras, cabling, lights, etc.

So miniture mathematical equation: Man Made fibres + electricity/friction = static charge!

How much static energy must be in the Jeremy Kyle studio?
Do Jeremy and his crew have to wear anti-static armour?!
Do they earth the bottom of the audiences seats?
And if it's of considerable amounts, could we harness it some how and use it to shoot rockets of the guests in to space or maybe just Jeremy?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Onions, Apples and Potatoes

Apparently, if you tasted Onions, Apples and Potatoes without your sense of smell, they would all taste the same and feel the same, texture wise.

I don't know if I believe it but I'm tempted to try it out. Maybe one night or on some weekend very soon, I'll try my own little experiment and I'll write a report and let you all know.

I wonder if it matters which type of Onions, Apples and Potatoes I use, and obviously I don't mean ones like Pickled Onions, Toffee Apples and Potato Chips (Crisps), I mean as in: Red or White Onions? Braeburn or Pink Ladies? King Edwards or White Potatoes?

Anyway, here's to science and still performing experiments years after I left school...I always did appreciate Chemistry.

Friday, January 19, 2007

The Life Of A Bluffer...

The older I get, the more 'The Life Of A Bluffer' looks grand. I'm thinking that bluffing, dipping and diving through life with no real plans or beliefs would be a easy option. Although to be fair I don't have many plans in life, other than to be happy and as for beliefs, I have many but whether I'll debate about them, is another matter. So maybe I am a bluffer but in disguise of someone whose collected and organised?!

Either way, I may change my non-existent plan and go for the jugular of Bluffer.

Who knows, or maybe I could join the directionless wannabes and become a "Scenester", chat shit about bands I've never heard of and couldn't care less about and dress like Karen O (is she still cool?), as dressing like me would be way uncool!

Whatever happens, it's all pointless and meaningless, so at least I'll never loose sleep over any of it. Which is nice!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Worry Wart!

Why do warts worry? And which was the first wart to worried?

I personally think that in the olden days, they believed that warts were caused by worrying but that makes far to much sense and is the sensible answer, so anyone got any ideas?!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Is it me, or have onions shrunk in recent years? I remember them being so much bigger, when I was a young whipper snapper, maybe it is just me?!

Oh well, that's all I've got to say, not much I know but at least it's something.

Monday, January 08, 2007

The Trials and tribulations of Owning a Goldfish Called Bob (Part 2)

Yeah, at last, our water was good and we were finally allowed two more fishies. The water isn't perfect but it's a clear improvement and it's all pretty good, so today CarrieMac and Viktorious purchased two more fishies.
CarrieMac bought Mr T and Viktorious bought Claude.

Bob, Mr T and Claude

Bob and Claude

OK guys, that'll probably be the last time you hear about the fish, well until one of them dies, so don't loose your will to live just yet. Lol.


Friday, January 05, 2007

The Trials and Tribulations of Owning a Goldfish Called Bob (Part 1)

Just before Christmas, I finally took the dive and bought myself a pet. A few years a go, I owned fish with my ex, they resided with him, we went through about 7 and we gave up, I'm not sure if they starved, were over fed or just depressed but none of them survived.

So, after some time of continually telling my housemates that I was going to buy a goldfish and call it Bob, I finally did!

On the Friday before Christmas, when most of my housemates had departed for home, I purchased little Bobafet. I was going to buy the cutest little glass bowl, but was informed that if my beloved housemates were to buy one each, I'd need a larger one, so bought a huge bowl, it's the hugest thing in the world, if Bobafet died early on, I would have used it as an astronauts helmet...yeah that big!!!

So, one bowl, one cute little fish, some food and some water conditioners later, I was on my way back up Madgalen Road.
Once home, I introduced Bob to Lollipop, just before she left for the north (and I mean the northernest part of north, all the way up by Geordi-land!). Once set up, little Bob was rested for a while to aclimatise to the water, then released...a little like when Willy was freed by that annoying little kid. He swam and dove and ate and bobbeded (I know it's not a word, but go with me) everywhere. I fed him and watched him for hours, everytime I walked by him, I'd say hello and give him a little wave. He shat a lot and I mean big long ones that stuck to his bum, he also danced a lot and also came to the surface without any qualms when feeding time arrived.

Bob in his bowl, on the day of purchase

After Christmas had come and gone and my housemates had returned, CarrieMac and I popped down to The Goldfish bowl. Once in the shop, I asked for a water check, as I didn't want to pollute any other fishies than my own and CarrieMac went to admire the fishies and select her fishy, after loads of debating and tooing and throwing, she decided on one which looks like a little punk, I want her to call it Ray but it's up to her, so we will see...she was keen on a Bubble Eyed but I convinced her other wise, as I wouldn't have been able to take the bowl seriously. Once the water check was back the man chuckled at me when he returned and said that I was killing my fish, so I got a little upset and £30 later had purchased a water filter and the information to save Bob. I was also told to not feed him as much, although I was hardly feeding him in the first place, so Bob went on a diet.

5 days later with bastard New Year out of the way, Viktorious, CarrieMac and I went back to The Goldfish Bowl. Once again with a water test in mind, I wanted to make sure that Bob's water was getting better. CarrieMac went to check to see if her fish was still there, it was and Viktorious went to see which fishy she'd opt for...with fishies in mind, I went to collect the results of my water test and once again I was informed that I was still killing Bob, although it's better than it was, which is nice. So I discussed which gravel would be best, as maybe the stones I had weren't helping, I was right and I got some new filter tops and some lovely gravel. I was informed to part change his water once a day for three days and to not feed him.

Friday morning came round (that's today by the way) and I woke up to change Bob's water. Once done, I also put the new gravel in, I rinsed it and made it all pretty, added the water and poof! It became all murky, so I hoped that it would clear up, I put the filter on and after an hour, it was still gross, so I took the exective decision and did a full water change and rewashed the gravel. Once all back in with the water conditioners and the right temperature, I left little Bob to potter around his temporary bowl and in Viktorious' care, as I had a lunch date. After lunch, back home, yes I know I'm not a very caring mother, leaving him in his hour of need, I checked to see if he was fine and he was happy as Larry (although I'm still unsure who Larry is and why he was so happy! but that's another blog), the water was still a little murky but it was clearing up and is still clearing up...he's bobbing about and I'm trying not to taunt him by eating in front of him, as that is cruel.

This is Bob today, he's looking good but getting a little camera shy. (Sorry if you can't really see him againist the gorgeous golden curtain of wonder but it's impressively Golden.)

He's the love of our house' life and he's so happy. Everyone has chats with him and we all end up giving him looks, while the TV is getting boring. He's a fixture and we all adore him. Once The Goldfish Bowl has stopped telling me that I'm killing him, we'll have two more fishies with him, although I'm concerned that maybe Bob will be to set in his ways and way to much of a loner and won't be able to settle with two more fishies but who knows what will happen. Let's just hope that on Monday morning, the water will be perfect and Bobafet will have some little buddies, yeah!!!