Friday, October 30, 2009

Hallos eve

It's Halloween tomorrow!!! I'm a fan of dressing up. I got a little peed off with doing so for a year or two but I'm back in to loving it now! I've been failing with organisation but always seem to be able to pull last minute outfits off.

In the past at Halloween I've been:
A zombie Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz,
an 80's prom attendee,
Half man/half woman,
Wonder Woman,
one of the Fame kids,
Amy Winehouse,
and a slitted throat corpse.

I saw this great set of costumes recently online. It wasn't these photos but another, which was done a little better. Anyhow, I thought it would be pretty easy to do. Although being covered head to toe in black is appealing, walking around with a board on my back, isn't so much. I think I'm now going to attend as an American geek/nerd. I just need some braces and a pocket protector!
Photos will follow.

Tip Toes

As of January 1st, I will no longer be a permanent member of 'the pub across town's' work force! I moved over there with Lianne, Tom and Bruno in August 2007 and have worked there at least 2 days a week since.
I told Tom and Lianne on Wednesday night that I was leaving, I couldn't contain my tears. I've been seeing these guys every week for over 2 years, and as of January 1st, it'll be a lot less. It's a sad thing but not the end, I'll help out occasionally and they are my friends, so will be making trips to hang out. It will be weird though, I've been pulling pints for 9 years. The most I've had out of doing so is 6 months. I bet I'll get itchy to be behind the bar soon enough, hence my helping out occasionally, to keep my pint pulling blood flowing.
Although now I'll get some more me time, which is exciting. As much as I love working and hanging out there, the idea of sleeping and socialising more, is extremely appealing. Might start properly living my life.

I've been thinking, I had my palm read a while back, I wrote about it on here. She told me that I'd already met the bloke I was going to be spend the rest of my life with. If so, who the hell is it? That is one scary thought!

Humphrey was sent this on the book and it looks so godly awful and yet so good!
I'm surprised that I've not seen anything about it until now.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Film title misread

I thought I just saw a film called 'Bad Tenant'. Doesn't it sounds awful?
I might write it and prove to myself how bad it would be!

Singles Holidays

Recently my posts have been a bit shit! Short and sweet with no point or long winded and dull with lots of points but with no actual specific point.

Last weekend I went to Cornwall with some friends. I adore Cornwall, it used to be where we holidayed as a family, when I was really young. It holds a special place in my heart, Cornwall is like no where else, they have their own laws and ways of life, it's such a charming incredible place and the people are great too.
We spent 4 nights and days there and it was gorgeous. Exactly what I needed. Being single makes going away a nightmare. You either go away alone, with a friend or a group of you. But organising friends is harder than it should be due to social lives and work, and finding somewhere you all like is difficult. When you're in a relationship, it's so much easier, it's one other person to organise, especially as you both have similar goals and preferences on holiday. I guess, I've been using my status as an excuse not to go away, due to the hassle. Although the one time I did go away with a boyfriend, I ended up sorting everything and it was a massive headache. Maybe I just don't really like holidays?

Anyhow, all you need to know is that Polzeath was incredible, lots of fun. No pre-organised fun or events, just lots and lots of chill out time.

Since then it's been hectic, hellish and crap! The guy who was meant to be moving in to our spare room lost his job, so isn't moving in now. We've got 3 weeks to fill it?! ARGH! Placing ads all over Gumtree and Facebook, to no avail. Although some friends have been passing on our details. I'm sure it'll all come about, I'm a positive person who tries not to panic in these stressful moments, everything always works out for the best, this situation will too, I'm sure.
We had a Polski called Pete look around at the weekend and he was very funny and laid back, I've my fingers crossed.

Hopefully this week will be calmer. A few more nights off for once maybe?! I've so much stuff to do and no time. Maybe by Christmas I'll have succeeded.

Plus, I noticed the other day that I've two new freckles, one right in the middle of my left cheek and one near my right elbow. It's so funny discovering new freckles, I always wonder if they just appear over night or darken over time? I've never seen them slowly arrive. I kind of love the idea of them just appearing over night, like a crazy magic trick!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Happy Christmas Mac

I love the Mac vs PC adverts, not so sure about the new one about Windows 7, slightly cheap shots if you ask me but alas, this one makes me smile.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Got Milk!

These are from French magazine, Milk. I'm loving these kids. They are all far too cool. Wish I had also attended their cool school, then I might have been this cool

Wish I was as geek-chic as these too!

Wish I looked this cool hanging out on a wall.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Grayson & Philippa Perry

I love this photo, Grayson & Philippa Perry are just far too cute!

Friday, October 09, 2009

I'm sorry to myself

I owe myself an apology. I said something rather out of order about myself, at the time I believed it to be true but I'd been blind sighted by rumours, gossip and unknowledgeable comments.

I'd never describe myself as a feminist, I'm not sure why?! I guess it's because
a) within my generation it's kind of a dirty word (when I first met my friend Lou, she told me she'd studied feminism at university. I instantly had visions of shapeless dresses, birkenstocks, copious amounts of body hair, etc. I didn't think "oh she stands for women's rights, equal treatment and the right to be a woman, without any pre-conceived ideas applied).
b) I was raised by a strong independent woman and a strong independent man with two older brothers and was constantly told "it's different for you, you're a girl".
& c) In my teen years I spent most of my time being the pretty girl's friend and hanging out with guys, I guess being a guy more than anything. Due to the typical conversations, etc, I've a more male attitude towards relationships and therefore have been more harmful to the ladies of this world with generalised sexiest comments.
But I guess I am a feminist, maybe not the burning bra kind but at heart I am. I believe in equal rights and being able to do anything a man can. I appreciate the fact I've been born in this era and have these opportunities.

Anyway, onwards with my apology. This is all relevant, so bear with me.
Recently I accused myself of having been crazy during one particular break up and compared to my other break ups, I definitely acted out of character. But as my old housemates reminded me, I had just cause.

A few years ago, I started seeing a guy. Nothing too heavy, just something fun. We'd been emailing each other for a few months. We'd befriended each other about 2-3 months before his long term relationship broke up.
For the first month we chatted about everyday stuff, views and interests (it was never really personal information). Most weekends he'd visit the nightclub I worked in and we'd hang out. His relationship broke down and I helped him through it by giving him apt distractions. Slowly over time our friendship grew and some how it developed to be more than just friends. Unfortunately it was only a month or two after his relationship had finalised. It wasn't ideal, far from it, but life presents and you have to make a decision, I chose to go with it and see what happened.
We dated for a short while. It was mildly stressed due to his main social group being his exes' social group, but most of them were polite and understanding towards me, even under the extremely awkward circumstances. I started to feel insecure and started to pressurise him in to labeling what we were. A few months later, He informed his ex and she was upset, which was to be expected. Shortly after, he finished it. I wasn't surprised. That night I went to his local and got drunk with my friends and him, I wanted him to know there were no hard feelings. We remained friendly and shortly afterwards we started sleeping together again. He'd call at 2am after a night out and I'd let him stay the night, he'd then stop all contact for a week or two and then it would repeat. This continued for a few months, I wanted to feel pretty and desired (I had issues from a previous break up of my mine, which made me feel worthless, so I valued myself at 0.00p). He could make me feel beautiful, intelligent and funny within seconds. When he'd stay, he'd tell me everything I wanted to hear, without making any actual promises, I read into everything he said and laced it all with large dollops of hope.
After this had gone on for a while, it stopped abruptly.

I got confused and started acting up, after everything I didn't feel as though I deserved that! I would text him a couple of messages destined for friends, so he'd know what was going on in my life. I'd try to call and text him while drunk and other various stupid acts, like leaving messages on his friends social networking pages, etc.
He started a new relationship with someone else and I moved on (not that, at that time, I was as in to him. It's just similar situations are easier than new ones, or more desirable than nothing).
A couple of months later, I had moved house, and I saw him out at a gig. We'd become amicable again. He came over for a chat, I was mildly drunk, feeling good about myself and having not had much male attention of late, I propositioned him. Stupid I know (isn't hind sight a marvellous thing), at the time I thought "well, if you don't ask, you never know?". He turned me down and I had a great night regardless.
He managed to allow me to be an idiot, without any consequences. I'm pretty sure we stayed distant friends. We'd say hi if we saw each other (I don't really remember), and then I went away to NZ for a month. During which, I'd officially been dumped as a friend, social network deletion, no message, nothing, just blankness, I accepted this and said nothing. Since then, if I see him I generally ignore him as though he's a stranger, in my eyes it's the most respectable way to behave, there is no reason to make a scene. All of the above was so long ago that it's not even relevant, he's changed and so have I, we aren't who we were.

The point is that in context, my actions don't seem that crazy. If you ask me, after everything that happened, they could have been much worse (which isn't an excuse) and were probably within reason after I'd allowed myself subconsciously to be so used.

Why did I claim I had been crazy once after a break up? Maybe because my behaviour was out of character for me? Maybe because after years of listening to my male friends and brothers talk about break ups, I thought all women were mental and unstable, and that was my one claim to it.
Or maybe it's because I'd been led to believe I had acted crazy, off the scale of sane, completely mental. Who had led me to believe this? Well other than the occasional unfair behaviour I've received from him and some of his friends, maybe the unfair reviews I'd heard about myself or maybe it was due to the pressures of the media, where on average the emotional train wrecks of woman are always completely to blame, maybe I made myself the villain?! Maybe some, maybe all? who knows. But I am sorry to myself for accusing myself of being crazy!

Yes, at the time I was acting outside of rational behaviour compared to my normal behavioural pattern, but I was reacting to how I'd felt I'd been treated. We are all welcome to our own opinions on other people's relationships (and I'm talking about all types of relationships), but we don't have the right to express these. Within all relationships, there are good guys and bad guys but on average, these qualities are shared between the two parties. It's wholely unfair to hold one side completely accountable and not the other. And why is it that in these modern times, when women have such an equal footing as men, we women are often accused of being the villains?

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Horn Rimmed Wonders

I got to select new glasses the other day. It was very exciting.
I've worn glasses since I was 3 (although back then I was long-sighted, with one astigmatism and a lazy eye). I spent my childhood in classy NHS specs. They were uncool but very practical.
Around the age of 11, my mum finally allowed me to choose some proper frames. From only having three options (Red, Yellow or Blue), I had the pick of the shop. I was over joyed, I did what I'd done on many trips before but this time I had a goal, new glasses. After I'd tried on all of the frames in the shop, ridiculous frames, grandma glasses and " Deidre" frames, I finally rested my eyes on some large purple and mint speckled wonders. Now, they represent the early 90's, back then, they were the height of fashion and I loved them more than life.

I had a few years of no glasses through most of secondary school & college. Hit 18 years of age and my eyes went again, although this time I was short sighted with two astigmatisms. I went for some simple wire frames.
4 years later, I choose some cool red frames. My family called me Janet Street Porter and I've worn them for four years.

I've had an idea for a few months that I might like horn rimmed glasses, I've no idea why, maybe I've watched too much Heroes.
I got my eyes tested and got to choose some new frames, while approaching the frames sales man, I announced "I want some old man glasses", he looked surprised but decided to accompany me on the journey, probably wanted a good laugh.
I tried on every pair of glasses in the shop, I felt like a kid again (he's lucky I didn't act entirely as I did when I was a child, otherwise I'd have been spinning myself around on the chairs constantly), all giddy with the excitement of the unexpected, I love glasses shopping. I tried them all on and kept on going back to this one pair of horn rimmed wonders!

I bit the bullet and bought them. They are great, I'm not sure if they entirely suit me but I don't care, I love them!

P.S. I've been going to the same opticians since day one and I love them. There are none of these machines reading your eyes, oh no there is a lovely person who puts the ever cool lenses holding specs on & they slot in different lenses time after time, constantly checking different things on the light board, It's awesome, so much fun, like a little time warp. If only the old guy was there, the one who smelt like talcum powder.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Little Happy Songs

I decided this morning that I was going to compile a happy songs mix CD. I've gone through my iPod and looked at the most listened to songs, although this doesn't really count, due to playing certain playlists in the pub. But I think I've got (just about) my list of happy songs, songs that when I listen to them, I just smile from ear to ear without even thinking about it.
There are 38 in total and they all get me a little excited and some of them are so very uncool but I love them, I can't help it.

I'm not known as having a good taste in music, I'm known for having an eclectic taste, depending on who I'm talking with, depends on what people's views are but I don't care. They make me happy and that's all that matters.
I suppose the funniest thing is, just listening to them and trying to find them on youtube, etc, has made me smile ear to ear. They are just automatic smile instigators for me.

The highlights look like the following (that I could find on youtube):

Gladys Knight and the Pips - If I Were Your Woman.

Pete Townshend - Let my love open the door.
I prefer Sondre Lerche's version but you've got to appreciate the original.

George Harrison - Got my mind set on you.

Golden Earring - Radar Love.

Dead Prez - Hip-Hop.

Mr Big - To be with you.

ELO - Livin' Thing.

Regina Spektor - Us.

Womack & Womack - Teardrops.

Sara Bareilles - Love Song.

Bruce Springsteen - Dancing in the Dark.

Cat Power - He War

And the final one I'll leave you with is the song that can turn my day around (I'm not so proud of it but you can't choose these songs, they choose you) and it reminds me of being a carefree teenager.

New Radicals - You get what you give.

P.S. What is weird is that Queen don't feature?! They should, they really should but most of their songs represent something to me, so I guess they can't feature.

Ooo, Red Shoes!

I've just read that if you're above a US size 6, then you are considered a plus size model?! What the?! That's fucking mental!!! If you are more than a size 10, you're plus size?! You mean, you're thin in the real world but large in the modeling world. I know that is realistic in modeling but it's just so crazy. No wonder kids now a days are so fucked up with body issues.

I've bought the most adorable pair of red shoes! They are flats from New Look but oh so bright red. I'm actually in love, spent some time last night thinking about outfits to complement them, all that went to shit once I finally dragged myself out of bed, late like usual, and found myself unable to compute anything! I'm probably going to buy them in navy too! I love New Look shoes, cheap, cheerful and happy!

I'm keeping my girl crush happy by watching '(500) Days of Summer', I love Zooey Dechanel so much! I'd go gay for two ladies, her and my friend Lou. Although so far I've not been able to convince Lou, I even promised her an old fashioned Volvo, yet alas still nothing! Maybe one day, although I guess it would help if I was gay too!
Anyway, I've been wanting to see this film for a while, I constantly keep tabs on the trailers coming out, I'm probably one of the only people who goes to the cinema early to catch the trailers, although I do hate actual adverts at the cinema, they suck!!!
I'm 50 minutes in and it's beautiful, it opens with Regina Spektor's Us (which is will featuring on my happy songs mix cd), which if you ask me, is a very promising sign.

The Queen gave me an old cardigan the other day, it's a size 18 cream twisted knit affair. I'm a 10-12. Night off, sewing machine comes out, second thoughts Overlocker comes out. I resize, pin and overlock the cardigan - what a mistake. The overlocker got stuck at the armpit, I nearly made myself some aeration holes, a inch in depth later and a lot of cardigan armipit lost, it's finished. The second sleeve went accordingly, thankfully. It's now a snug fit but looks pretty cool.

I'm not sure why, maybe the holiday I had or something has changed me inside but I feel a strange inner calm, I don't constantly feel responsible for everything in this world. I don't feel constantly tired or as though I can't keep up, I just feel calm. I'm up financials shit creek but I don't care so much, which is odd. I probably should but right now, I'm happy just to feel calm and happy. Maybe this is what happens when people don't work non-stop and have no time to sit and watch the world go by?

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Plenty of a Name Change

Out of interest, do you think that people use more Bounty kitchen roll, now it's called Plenty.

As it is a fantastic marketing scheme if so.