Sunday, January 24, 2016

Crazy lady

The other evening I was on handsfree talking to my Mother and on her end of the line she was talking to my Nephew, so there I was walking down the street screaming 'talk to me' repeatedly with my hands in my pockets and insanity in my eye!

If it had been busier, as my Mother joked I may have had an ambulance called and a strait jacket donned!

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

War and Peace

During Christmas 2014 I was given Tolstoy's War and Peace, the novel by my future mother in law, she accompanied it with the Audrey Hepburn film on DVD. I started to read it last December, having got 200 pages in before the BBC adaptation aired. Giving up on lugging 'the brick that is...' around in my bag, I accepting that some books take years to complete, I started to watch the BBC's version. 25 minutes into the first episode the 200 pages I had read were done and dusted and they'd only missed out a dull dinner party, an 8 page discussion about who should blow up a bridge and a war, nothing to it.

The adaptation is very nice, however I do wish I had continued with the book, maybe if I find myself laid up for some time I shall commit, along with 'Notes from Underground' which I just couldn't wrap my brain around on the tube or before sleep.

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Depressed, me?! Maybe...

I have a lot to write about, over the last three months...however I'd like to be self indulgent and talk all about how I feel: me, me, me!

Excitedly a lot of my friends and family are expecting babies during the first two months of this year, some of which are first time parents and I'm over the moon for them, however I also keep on bursting into tears sporadically, 'over the moon for them'  indeed!

I think one of the biggest issues is that I haven't actually completely dealt with my grief attributed to my previous experiences, additionally not being able to attain one of the things I've ever wanted from a young age, is proving to upset and frustrate me beyond belief.

I know that all of the old adages apply and eventually it will happen, but what if not? And why me? And how come it appears to pick certain people and not others? And why do so many people think that it's irrelevant and not worth mourning over; the list of questions is unending, typically.

I watched an interesting Ted Talk about Depression, here is the link.

I had always thought that depression is exactly what most people think it is: a constant darkness and an unending feeling of despair, however Kevin explaining that the not knowing why you don't want to get out of bed because everything in your life is peachy, actually rang true and resonated with me. I hadn't realised it, but I have been suffering from a bout of depression...I am depressed.

I spent most of my time trying to push the upset, hurt and endless questions to the back of my mind, I spent most of my time distracting myself, projecting my issues on to silly projects and dreams of 'one day', but what if one day doesn't happen and I am still struggling to keep my head above water. I know that I have a good family and a great selection of friends, I know that my job is good, I have my health, a loving partner, etc., but I also want to cry, most days and for no real reason at all and that is what is so hard about all of this, the admittance that I am depressed.

The BIG reveal took a massive argument with Rowan while driving through Gloucestershire for me to finally admit, he had known it all along. I'm a lucky lady to have him and I thank my blessings daily.

The next step, after admitting to things is to look to fix or mend them, off to the Doctors I go...

Sunday, January 03, 2016

New Years Eve 2016

This year we waited for an invite to any, all events, a letter opening even. Did we receive one? No.

During NYE 14/15 we hosted a dinner party for 12 people, invited about 16, and had a mental pissed up photo shoot in Rowan's photography studio, good times all round!

This year we were sure we would receive something, so we made no plans and waited, alas it wasn't to be. So we planned to spend it in, or at our local, potentially heading to Lambeth bridge to watch the fireworks, if we were still standing at that point. And we did just that, we had a couple of drinks at home, headed to our local drinking beer and watching the tattoo at Edinburgh Castle on TV, eventually around 11.15pm we ordered a car and headed to Lambeth Palace Bridge, however our Dickhead driver thought he knew best, choosing Kennington / Elephant & Castle which fucked me off, as that is not going to help anyone. Shockingly, he couldn't make it to LPB and turfed us out at the Imperial War Museum 'great'.

This irritated me, I hate Taxi drivers who think they know best and us mere mortals know nothing, I hate people who take advantage, I hate people who are only out for themselves and to gain, etc. Therefore as we started walking towards Waterloo (not where I wanted to be) I ranted, I ranted within an inch of my life, I ranted so much that some arsehole Policeman approached us and said 'excuse me Miss, can you stop swearing as I'd hate to have to lift you'. In my head I was dumbstruck and thinking 'Lift me? Lift me? Who on Earth says 'lift'? Did you learn the lingo from the Policeman of London handbook? Did you see it on a film and thought it made you look big and clever? Dick!', during this entire time my face must have been one of confusion, mean while Rowan says 'it's ok Officer, she's a little upset but she'll calm down now', I'm still dumbstruck. Mr Officer then says 'There are lots of families around tonight, I'd hate for one to complain and for you to spend the night in a cell', once again I'm dumbstruck and in my head chuckling now, as this guy obviously thinks he works for Sunhill in the 90's. Once again Rowan steps in and is terribly polite, he's such a legend, all the while I'm suck surprised by the whole event.

We eventually walk off and head to stand at the back of Waterloo, seeing approximately none of the full spectacle, as you can see below:

However the crowd were fun and it was nice to be able to say 'we saw London's NYE fireworks first hand'.

To see the spectacle in it's full glory and synchronised to music, click here!

Here's to 2016, may it be 1000 times better than shitty 2015!