Friday, October 27, 2006

Knick Knack Paddy Whack

I actually don't really have much to say, I just wanted to name a blog by the above title.

Once again, the only brain sick I truly has involves people who can't park to save their lives. When entering a car park, you should be given two options: Car Park or Car Abandonment.
To enter Car Park, you should have previously passed numerous car parking exercises and been given a gold star and a little certificate to say that your allowed to park there.
For Car Abandonment, you should be allowed in if you never passed the Car Parking Test, or if you passed but have had 3 suits brought against you at the Car Parking Retrieval of Certificate Centre, in which photos were taken of your bad parking and a little trial goes ahead to work out whether you deserve to have the certificate or not. Or if your just a shit parker!
I've had to endure my fair share of car abandonment of late, one being the only space left in the car park, my car being pathetically small in size and therefore being able to squeeze between these two abandoned cars, but only realising once in that I had minus centimetres to exit my vehicle. When returning from work most nights, I am continuously finding spaces that even smart cars would find challenging, now I know that a lot of the spaces on my street are from where the hard earning population leave their homes to fill their bank accounts and then return to find a car has moved all of nowhere and have to park around it, but for some reason, over a week a car won't move (normally a students from where they only ever use them to drive to Oxford to drop all their stuff from Mummy and Daddy's off and then normally home again at the end of term and occasionally to Tesco' to pick up the alcohol stock or to Penelope's for this awesome house party, as her parents are away but for the other 50 million hours a year, it will hardly move), taking up precious space and then you'll get a complete twat you can't park to safe their life who insists of parking 5 foot away from the car in front and then will leave it their for a week....So yes I vote for two styles of parking one side of each street should be this also...depending on what percentage of the street passed the tests and which didn't. I shouldn't be punished because some people are fucking hopeless at manoeuvring a vehicle, they insist of keeping and rarely use, should I? I use mine, a lot...and there for am killing the planet but earning the right for 2 styles of car parks!
Or maybe it should be that everyone has to take parking tests each year, while your cars in for an MOT, we'll also test your parking ability...

Now names and titles will be changed to be more memorable and easy to say, as this is an idea and ideas are the starting block to the future things of marvel!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Mount Everest

I no longer have to visit the Himalayas to see Mount Everest, as it seems that I have it growing on my chin, well at least it saves me time and money!

It's pretty impressive I have to say, although I never realised it was a volcano!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Glossy booklets of joy!

There is nothing nicer than recieving new magazines, whether it's 'Innovations', a random household or clothes catalogue, a trashy mag or a big fat glossy magazine.
I love them, so much. There is nothing nicer than taking some time out and flicking through the crisp new unopened pages, the unseen images and unread words.
So other week when I arrived at work, to find the new Ikea catalogue, I was in heaven! Now there is something especially wonderful about household catalogues, as it's all new and fresh and rephotographed and pretty! And it immediately makes you want to go out and buy everything they sell, they do such an amazing job of selling the dream and making the people in the photos look so realistic that I see myself as the lady shown, showing her orderly drawers of spice and herb pots to my mother-in-law, while the slow roast lamb in my twin fan oven simmers and the large baking tray full of potatoes, rosemary and olive oil glistens and crisps up....ahh the dream i live in is grand but only while looking through the catalogue.
The downside to catalogues is reality, I expect that if shops and companies could, they would remove reality completely, as then we would all buy, buy, buy and never consider that it's not worth it or that it's not the same dream that you were promised. Although knowing that the dream and reality are never the same thing, we still try and try to live the dream and buy the dream and believe that the dream is possible. But what would life be, if we didn't continually try and try to be better and never except that this could just be it. But if you ask me, Ikea and other catalogues do sell the dream extremely well.
I love the fantasy land and dream bubbles...reality has it's place but for now, I'm going to continue to keep an eye on my slow roast lamb and put my spice and herb pots in alphabetical order...and try to keep my mother-in-law as sweet as possible, I mean she is the nicest lady in the world, so it's not that hard, not at all and the kids adore her and my husband, doesn't think that she's always right, although she is.
"So come on Audrey (my dream/bubble mother-in-law's name), let's crack that bottle of red open".

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Structure and Lifestyle

I woke up this morning as I always do, tired, fed up and craving more sleep. Lately my whole schedule has gone out of the window. When I first started having acupunture, my acupunturists made an observation 'It appears to me that your a tourist in your own life, you have no schedule or pattern, there is no balance or regularity. When are you returning from your holiday to a healthy life style?", to which I quite frankly just looked puzzled and kept myself in a state of stunned silence.
Now I've always thought that I had a rather dull, uninteresting, regular life style, where it's all pretty structure and routine but apparently not, apparently answering 'well it depends on the day, where I am and who I'm with', isn't acceptable. So I set about trying to get some structure, the only thing I could really change was my sleep pattern, so I tried most nights to be asleep by midnight and failing that definiately by one. The problem being that I'm such a night owl, I can happily stay up for two days straight and would only start to get tired towards the end of the second night. My body clock become alerts at around 8-9pm, all of a sudden, I can think clearly and get these grand spurts of energy, I could run a marathon but only if it was held at 9pm onwards. I've always been this way but since I started working at the night club, it really came in to it's own. I'm hoping that now I've left, I may settle in to a more normal pattern but I know that it's a futile, pointless thing to hope for, I've always been this way.
So once again, I'm going to structure my sleep pattern and be in bed by 12, if nothing more...although for the last 3 nights I've said this and for the last 3 nights, I've ended up watching films, talking to my housemates or chatting on msn with people. Damn that temptation, it's just all to appealing!

Other than my lack of sleep and inability to structure my life, all is pretty well at the mo. Except I currently have 'Pop is dead' By Radiohead stuck in my head, I just want to scream and scream and I haven't even heard it, I just happened to spot it on my iTunes earlier and ever since have been singing away in my head...and the worse thing is I keep on seeing Thom Yorke popping out of the coffin, god the video is atrocious, if you've seen it, your lucky, due to it being locked away in the vaults somewhere and it's a rare sighting, like witnessing a baby deer run for the first time (unless your a hunter and then it's grab your gun time, although to be fair, a baby deer is a bit of an easy target and if your a skilled huntsman, surely your should go for a harder target, although they are smaller than most a stag, so slightly harder to hit, oohhh anyway, as I was saying?!) and unlucky, due to it being so dyer.