Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Pregnancy, Take Two

Rowan and I have been trying since we lost our first pregnancy in November. We gave it a break during December, to allow my body to readjust and then started up again, in a casual fashion, focusing on my ovulation period.

I started to get a little frustrated in May, as the first time around it only took 3-4 months, at the start of our 5th month a good friend announced her surprise pregnancy, I was so excited for her but also a little sad for myself, which is stupid and selfish but apparently kind of normal...?! I didn't feel normal, I felt terrible and miserable for being so self centred.

This month Rowan kept on telling me to be positive and that it will have worked this time, for sure. I pushed back saying that all symptoms were negative, I had started to get all of the normal signs that it hadn't worked. I felt completely normal, other than a week of my womb feeling a little hard and some tenderness in my boobs, nothing.

Come my due date and nothing, I am never late, it's unheard of. I head off to a family event on Saturday and start to think about how my boobs really, really hurt, similar to the last time I was pregnant, which is odd. I did a test and discovered that I was 1-2 weeks pregnant. I was so excited, full of love and giddiness and so was Rowan.

Two days later my boobs hurt less and I freak, this is how it happened last time, my boobs didn't hurt, then all of my other symptoms stopped and then my miscarriage took place. I am out of my mind and Rowan has no idea what to do, other than telling me to calm down, I head off to my temp job and put it out of my mind, or at least try too.

I speak to a friend and she confirms that every pregnancy is different and the joys of bodies, therefore it constantly changes each time, and that boobs do stop hurting for days or weeks at times and that other symptoms do fluctuate.

This morning we went to the doctors to confirm my pregnancy. The Doctors doesn't initially put my mind to rest about my boobs hurting less, the cramping being normal or my other symptoms being perfectly fine, but post the visit I do feel calmer. I read lots of posts online and lots of women have pregnancies with minimal to no symptoms, and knowing this makes me feel better. My boobs do ache but not hurt, this is enough for me and if this is all I suffer with for the next nine months, bring it on, I'll be one lucky individual.

I am keeping positive and taking it as it comes. The Doctor did put my mind at rest in regards to one thing: traditionally if you lose your pregnancy 0-12 weeks  it is due to the foetus not being right, however if it happens after 12 weeks, it is more to do with your body. This isn't the case with all but it has finally made me feel rest assured about my miscarriage, finally.

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