I'm pregnant again. Yes, yes, I am. I really didn't think that September would be the month...I even bought tampons in advance of my periods arrival, and then it never came.
I did two tests, the day after my ever-prompt period didn't show up, and two days later I did it again, both were negative.
On the Saturday, I bought my wedding dress and on the Sunday I did another test which finally showed a positive result, "oh!" was my instant response, I almost didn't believe it. I then spent the next few days doubting whether it would stay but filled myself with positivity and hope, but bought super massive pads just to be prepared.
One week later, on a Tuesday I had spotting and cramping, Ro took me to the EPAGU at St Thomas's. I was convinced this was it and we were going to experience last July all over again...filled with hope but mainly feeling numb, we shuffled into the ultra sound room to be told that our egg was perfectly implanted and happy...and asked "have you ever been told your womb is split?", "no" was my answer, to which the Sonographer said "there is a second sack, which may be a failed pregnancy or the beginning of a second pregnancy". What the fuck?!
This was incredible news, as this pregnancy has had the same symptoms as my second one: boob achiness going up and down, cramping, and general achiness. I had assumed it wouldn't work out, and it may still not, but here's hoping.
A week later I have had another two days of spotting with cramping but I am still staying hopeful, especially as I have had two days of sickness (feeling hungry every two hours, almost ravenous, some times to the point of feeling sick), peppermint tea eases it a little, as does Coca-cola.
I am keeping positive as much as I can but not telling anyone has been impossible, as I'm normally a very open person; I just don't think I can face letting everyone down again (I do know this isn't the case but it is how it feels), should the worse happen. I have a follow up scan next Tuesday and we hope to find out that our little egg is now a little content embryo. Our approach is that one is a blessing, two would be incredible, and if it's not to be, ce le vie! It'll be hard but we've managed before.
One week later...
Today we had our follow up scan, we got to see our little squiggle and it's heartbeat pumping away. They've booked me in for another scan in two weeks due to my history, which was very kind. Additionally, we had it confirmed that our second sack is benign, they can not confirm whether it is a clot or a failed pregnancy; I think I'd rather not know. One healthy squiggle is more than enough.
Along with everything being confirmed, I became 2795 of 4150 of the PRISM trial to see whether Progesterone actually assists with pregnancy or not. There are little to no downsides and potentially helping women with their future pregnancies is a wonderful thought.
The Progesterone is interesting, it's two pessary white tar filled pods inserted twice a day and then spend the day / night working their way out. I've never used so many pantyliners, or washed my PJ bottoms / trousers so much.
Otherwise, it's been a kind of blessing (other than causing havoc with our sex life), as it has given me something else to think about.
I did discover that inserting them too high results in 19 hours of intense cramps...luckily it was just my cervix kicking off!
During our third scan (9 weeks) 'Shithead or Shitbag' (as we've Christened our future offspring) did a little dance for us: Jazz Hands & Feet! Super cute and reassuring.
The EPAGU have been amazing, as always. They were wonderful last time round and excellent this time. The receptionists there often have stony faces but once you get past them, the Nurses, Doctors and Sonographers are ever so caring.
On Wednesday we had our twelve week scan at the Fetal Medical Unit. Unlike the EPAGU, they have a massive screen for you to look at, and Shithead wasn't too keen on moving as he was quite contempt to be face down and snuggled up.
Our blood tests screening and scan said we are low risk, which is promising, however I was consuming Vitamin A during the first eight weeks, which could cause problems. This has been a concern of mine but I've been advised to speak my midwife about it.