Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The season of Lent.

40 days of sacrificing something your so used to, it's like the blood in your system. Giving up something that is a painful experience, something that means a lot and something that represents your willing to show your commitment to life, or your religion, whichever way you want to look at it?!
Every year my father asks the following question Philippa what are you giving up for Lent? and every year I give him the same answer, the same answer I give when people ask about my New Year Resolutions and my birthday wishes - Nothing!
But this year represented a change in me, I have two New Years Resolutions (stop biting my nail and to sort out my finances, so by 2008, I've some savings and no overdraft) and I'm also going to give up something for lent but what to give up is the ultimate question. Plus it's right over my birthday, so I don't want to give up alcohol or something that I may rely on for my birthday celebrations but I want it to count and make me think about life.
I've spoken with my housemates about it. Lollipop suggested all fizzy drinks but that would include Soda water, which is a hell no! I could give up just Coca-Cola but since my last stint of not eating due to anxiety, I've hardly drunk any and Diet Coca-Cola is such a momentary thing that it wouldn't even register on my scale.
Swearing was suggested but I'd break that immediately, I've tried for my mother's sake to stop swearing before but it never lasts. She then suggested that I just gave up the C word (Cunt to you and I) but it's my substitute swear word and having to wait 40 days to call someone it, would kill me, especially when no other word will do (only other passionate swearers will truly appreciate the poetry in that statement, I know Lukas will for sure).
Cleaning was suggested but it wouldn't last long and would probably cause me to be commited under the mental health act and as lovely as Littlemore appears, I like viewing it from the outside.
I could try to give up Bitching but my life would become so black and white and I'd end up crying myself to sleep, as I'd be curving my natural instinct to say what everyone else is thinking.
There's no point in giving up crisps, Jaffa Cakes or chocolate, as since going back to work after Christmas, I've hardly eaten any.
I could give up shopping or pub trips but I've not done any of these things recently due to lack of funds.
Giving up things such as Family Guy, streaming America TV online or Myspace, would cause my days at work to be so unbearable, I'd cry cry cry and not in a 'I wear my emotional heart on my shoulder and cry at everything' sense, more a I'm loosing the will to live, oh dear god be done with me immediately and put everyone else out of their misery, by doing away with me.

So I'm left with the final question of what to give up and I've only one day to make my mind up.

I could try Myspace and at least everyone would be able to see if I've cheated or not. But I'm lost, damn it, trying to please my father for the first time in ages in relation to the faith I was raised as, is so hard!