Wednesday, December 31, 2008


It's nearly 2am and I'm sat in my bed writing a blog?! I've been trying to sleep for about an hour now and my brain is skipping, jumping, twirling, dancing, pole-valuting, questioning why I've said something or didn't say something and I can't take it anymore, so am hoping that by emptying some of it here, I may be able to find some peace, just maybe, nothing more.
I'm finally readjusted to my Oxford life. I went to this beautiful magical Christmasland for 6 days and it made me feel shite upon return, as my normally shiny positive world, appeared tarnished and not so shiny. In fact it seemed pretty empty and lonely...I guess being surrounded by people for 6 days and returning to an empty house would make anyone feel like this but add the fact that all of my household are loved up, adds for lonely times. Plus most of my close lady friends are all loved up also, bar 2 and I'm in for a lot of male friends or singleton times.

I'm ready to fall in love again but all the guys I meet or seem to get involved with, only want fun times (I'm an easy going, fun release from their seemingly up-tight recent ex's. As if I've no emotion or desire to be more than a fuck buddy - cheers guys!), or they aren't quite right for me. But there is a shiny silver lining, I have finally put my rose tinted view on the matter that the more shitty guys and dates and bullshit I have to put up with, the more incredible the bloke I finally meet will be - I'll apply small amounts of hope to that one though.

I was asked the other day what my desert island disc songs would be? I always say that these sorts of lists are impossible and that they'd have to be written for right now, not tomorrow or yesterday. As new songs effect, old ones resurface and others get new meanings but there are some songs that would appear, maybe not in a years time but right now, I could happily die after listening to all of them in a row (please don't test this though, as I really like living and being alive). I'm not sure how many songs you get on desert island discs (normally I'd research but I just want to write, I just want some ease of thinking).

My instant answer to said question was Rolling Stone's Wild Horses.
My next suggestion was Radiohead's Last Flowers (I love it but I may replace it with True Love Waits, I've loved it longer and doesn't rip off the riff from Karma Police).
The Doobie Brothers' Give me the beats boys, sung by Bill Withers.
U2's With or Without you.
Queen's The Show must go on.
Lucky Jim's You're lovely to me.
King of Leon's True Love Way
And finally, Cinematic Orchestra's To build a home.
I think that would be it, nothing fancy, randomly, no ladies present?! But a nice set of lovely songs, that could keep me smiling all day long.

In other news, I hate New Years Eve with a passion, so will be willing it to pass as quickly as possible, while at work*. Although my resolution, if I have to have one might be to either actually stop biting my nails, instead of not bite them for 2 months and then massacre them in one weekend or to correct my posture, who knows?! 

* I know I said about this time last year I would not work this new years eve and actually attempt to go out and enjoy myself, well I failed. No money, means time and a half looks good. Plus I'd probably stay in and with my state of mind at the mo, it wouldn't be such a good idea.

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