Wedding Planning Pt.10

Below are the fascinators I made for my bridesmaids and myself to wear on the big day. I had hoped to commission them from a professional but it didn't work out. They ended up costing me financially a quarter of the commissioned pieces, however a lot of time, love and care was invested. I hate to blow my own trumpet but I think they look smashing; and I even managed to make a second one for myself.















Images all courtesy of Rowan Morgan

Wedding Planning Pt.9

I can't sleep...I had the strangest wedding anxiety dream and was visited by Ro's dad. His mum saw and spoke with him also, it was calming. But that's not what has woken me. Mainly, it is the loading of the car that is weighing on my mind, we have so much to take with us:

36 bottles of fizz, 48 bottles of wine, 120 stubby cans, Two dresses and a suit, a huge box of decorations and fascinators, 160 rashers of bacon accompanied by 80 sausages, 52 eggs, 14 garlic breads, and camera equipment. Pretty exciting stuff all round. I know it is all trivial stuff but what if we forget something? Or can't fit it in...

 The difference between Ro and I is that he got nervous for the first time today and he was panicking about people not enjoying themselves and him letting them down, which I thought was really sweet. This doesn't bother me, if people don't enjoy themselves that is their own issue, we've put enough in place for them to do so, it's up to them to get involved.

My concerns are superficial in turn, it's more about trivial silly things...and these concerns have woken me five hours in to sleep and won't cease or desist.

My work have been amazing and given us a gift voucher and Fortnum & Mason hamper; I told my Grandma and her first question was about what biscuits it included. She's convinced that F&M cheese biscuits are the holy grail of cheese biscuits. The irony being that if she knew how much they cost, she'd refuse to go near them.

I wish I could empty my brain, just for 2 more hours sleep...

Wedding Planning Pt.8

Wedding guests continued…

I have found that certain guests are rather uninterested in what we have going on at this time, most of them I’ve waved a nonchalant hand at, however some have really pissed me off.

I have one friend who has discounted some of our decisions as it isn’t how they would do it – whatever, that’s their opinion, this is our wedding.

Ro has one mate who is so ‘fair weather’ that he ignored four emails from me and wouldn’t commit to attending our wedding, let alone staying on site, until I contacted his girlfriend, who was rather embarrassed. This particular friend also said he couldn’t even phathom attending Ro’s stag do, as he had far more important things to do. Once again, whatever.

However, there has been one mate of Ro’s, a mate who is supposed to be a groomsmen who has just taken the fucking piss. This guy said that he wouldn’t attend the stag do due to money issues – understandable; he then invited Ro to go to Rome a fortnight before to watch the rugby. He hasn't once asked Ro how everything is going and whether we need any help, in fact he told Ro that he'd rather camp in February instead of pay £75 for two nights stay, all food (two evening meals and two breakfasts) and most booze consumed (except on the wedding evening), and could only afford to drive there and back, or stay in the dorm, but not both. When Ro suggested he share with one of the other Welshies, she suggested that Ro arrange it for him.

Additionally to this, the groomsmen have one thing which is required of them: to wear a collared shirt. Two weeks later, Ro receives a text of the collarless shirt he intends to wear to the wedding on the same thread as the original request. It has at times felt like we have a petulant teenager to consider and manage.

When he finally paid the money, reluctantly, he paid £10 short and I really can not be arsed to ask him for the rest, if it is that important to him, he can keep it. 

At the start of this week, Ro got a call from him assuming he would ask about the stag do, instead he asks whether I've got any contacts from my old job, when Ro reminds him that I left that role ten years ago and that I'm out, he asks if I'm "on the piss", Ro then reminds him that I'm six months pregnant. 

No, I know these aren't the worst things to do or ways to behave but he seems to have no idea how stressful wedding planning can be, no concept of the energy, time or money it takes; and no interest in whether being more flexible and easier going would have helped us.

The last thing he asked was how much money he should bring, when Ro said he'd only need money for the bar, he then wanted the price list of every drink so he could gauge his spending... 

It has been beggars belief, I only hope he relaxes and enjoys himself at the wedding. In the past he has been an incredible friend to Ro and I only hope that he is this again, I really don't want his attitude to sour their friendship. I guess time will tell. 

Wedding Planning Pt.7

Image courtesy of the internet

Wedding Guests, wedding guests are a strange breed. When Ro and I originally wrote our guest list, about eight months ago, we double checked it and felt that other than a couple of mates who live abroad, travel extensively for work, etc., that we wouldn't have many cancellations. How foolish we were!

Due to the nature of the wedding (two nights away) we had to invite people in two tiers, it was a small nightmare trying to get people to commit, but it pretty much worked out, with 90% agreeing to stay on site. We have since filled the remaining 10%, just about, however...we had two friends who were unsure financially and unable to say whether they would definitely stay. At times we both got a little fraught about the matter, but we were adamant that we hold out. Just before Christmas they said they hoped to pay in the New Year, we understood and were grateful for the update.

Come the New Year and I had to push for money from six sets of guests. Ro and I texted accordingly and the aforementioned guests confirmed that they couldn't make it due to a job loss...very sad. Ro and I considered whether they could drive down for the day, however it really isn't for us to decide how they spend their time and money, and it is fair enough if they can not justify attending. It's a huge shame as they are good friends but needs must and we've all been that person who has had to make difficult decisions. My only wish is that we were in a better financial situation and able to offer help.

After we received this cancellation Ro text one mate asking if he wanted to stay on site. I was terribly sexist and assumed that because he was a bloke, he probably wouldn't have arranged anything yet. I was right, to a point. Ro also text another mate asking for him to come to our wedding, we had previously been restricted by numbers.

The latter confirmed that he'd love to attend. However, the first guy came back explaining that he was skint and wouldn't be attending the stag or wedding and had meant to let Ro know... Ro accepted this fate but with a small sting in the tail, as this particular friend had spoken about never attending a wedding or stag do before, and being excited about it all. Once again, we understood and started to laugh, it was becoming a little ridiculous!

The following day, Ro received another text stating that a friend's partner couldn't make the meal but would attend the evening. This was met with a chuckle and appreciative reply.

"Fine" we thought, that is the final list of those not attending and we can now settle our numbers and pay the caterers the final bill...FOOLS!

During my hen, Ro's sister told me that one of their cousins would most likely pull out as she had confessed to not arranging travel or accommodation. A week later, during the Stag, Ro receives a text saying that she was unable to get leave arranged at work, once again we laughed...what is it with some people?

Additionally, we are yet to have final confirmation from another cousin, who said they'd probably come just for the ceremony (we kept a bed and meal for him, just in case) but at this time, it is all just stupid and we have given up caring.

The first cancellation was really sad, we'll miss not having them present; the second one was rather 'ce le vie'; the third can at least come to the evening and allowed us to save some cash...and as for the cousins - oh my days, some people you just can't help, no matter what you do.

My advise about this part of wedding planning is:

• 'don't assume', just accept that some people can not commit or make things work and they some times have more important things at hand; and
• make sure you enjoy the company of those who do attend, and don't you dare pine over the ones who can't.

Wedding Planning Pt.6

Image courtesy of the internet

Suppliers are interesting creatures: planning the wedding has highlighted how interesting they are and how some of them spout about ‘supporting small businesses’ and yet reject your money as and when they feel like it.

In September, I commissioned some accessories for my bridesmaids and myself, for an amount of money which I wasn’t overly comfortable with but felt would reflect the artist’s work and my appreciation to my bridesmaids for their friendship over the years. The artist accepted and started talking to me about the commissions, we sent various emails over time discussing it. Then in November I received an email explaining that they hadn’t felt particularly well but wouldn’t let me down and would focus on my commissions once they had gotten their Christmas orders out of the way.

Understanding this, I sent some clarifying emails for each bridesmaid: inclusive of a photo of them, the dresses and colours they were wearing, any and all social media (so the artist could gauge their personalities) and how adventurous they were when it came to accessorising: this was accepted.

Just after Christmas, I received another email explaining that they would rather focus on their special offers range, instead of my commission and that I could have first refusal of those, which would be ready at the end of January. I understood this, however wasn’t overly happy with it; I started looking through their website to see if there were some items I could buy and adjust accordingly for the girls. Upon speaking to Ro about it, he said ‘if they don’t want your money, don’t give it to them. You are extremely talented and creative and can make them yourself. You are already making the jewellery, just make this gift too’. I was hesitant but he (the real creative in our duo) said he’d help me if I got stuck, so I set about finding the pieces I needed and cancelled my commission.

This is just an unfortunate situation, and thankfully not all of our suppliers have been like this…

Our jeweller, Johnny Rocket, has been incredible, going above and beyond, creating our wedding rings within 10 days, even getting them hallmarked, and making us feel welcome by just being the fucking legend that he is.

Our caterers once again: wonderful, wonderful people. Ever so accommodating – answering every question, regardless of how stupid. Having time to talk to me whenever. Being very relaxed and willing to readjust the invoice a week before the wedding, due to people dropping out. They’ve helped when we considered the need to get a marquee to fit everyone in, luckily we haven’t had to do this. And they do not have a corkage fee, and have no problems with us having a local craft beeron the tables. If I could marry them, I might do so.

However, as with above, not all have been this great:

I ordered the fizz and red wine from Majestic Wines and they cancelled my order without notifying me of the matter. I chased them and received a terribly written response (bad grammar and spellings) telling me that “due to stick issues, they’d cancelled it”. I responded with a larger complaint explaining that I wouldn’t be purchasing from them again, and they ignored this, responding with another terribly written email and a 10% off code. I have since donated this code to my colleague’s school board to use.

And then again, on the other end of the scale, I commissioned a cartoon from a friend of mine,Ginger Rainbow, and she had created it and posted it to me within 48 hours. I guess the rule of thumb is trial and error. Some suppliers are professional and courteous and others don’t want your business, no matter what.

Wedding Planning Pt.5

Image courtesy of the Internet

One of the best things that I have discovered during the wedding planning process is other people's opinions on what we should be doing, or focusing on, what we must have or do, on the day and who we must have attend.

I have to say, that my family may have not been great financially, luckily, they've been terribly supportive when it comes to our plans, ideas and invitation list. As has Ro's Mother and Sister.

However, not everyone sees it that way and this has caused the largest rift known to one family. Ro has a family member who at times has caused upset before: emptied his Mother's house of her belongings (following his Father's death) as she was moving to a smaller house, whether she had hoped to sell or retain those items; told his pregnant Sister that she'd probably miscarry during her second trimester or could always have a still born birth; and insisted on scattering Ro's Grandfather's ashes without his Mother, him or his Sister present, citing the tidal timetable as the reason it had to be right then and there, and not even giving their Gran the chance to prepare emotionally, or mentally for the event.

These are just some occasions where people have been upset, and I believe this particular person doesn't do it maliciously or with intent to upset, I really do believe they mean well, they just fail to see why others may not be happy or agree with their decisions. They lack forethought and consideration, but that is all it is, for some reason it has never been raised before and therefore they've continued to behave this way without ever questioning whether it was the right thing to do, or the right way to approach the situation, etc.

Due to the above occurrences, we did not want them present on our wedding day. My parents had a wedding run and controlled by my Mum's Mum, and my Mum has always said that our wedding is ours and that they won't get involved, and they have lived up to this, one of my brother's eloped and they didn't blink an eye, and in regards to all of our decisions (so far) they have been 100% supportive.

We had hoped that we would be able to not invite them and be left to it, I did suggest first of all that we send a card explaining but Ro didn't want to. Skip a month later and we've had three different family members trying to find ways to make it so that this family member can be present...totally ignorant of our wishes. We were left with only one approach, to be mature and contact this particular family member directly explaining our decision. Ro's Mum was hesitant to give us their contact details but did so. We didn't want to discuss it over the phone as conversations can be misquoted and can become heated very quickly. So we felt email was best, we wrote and rewrote the email, a lot. Which was wasted energy, as it transpires that whatever we did, it wouldn't have been well received, we could have wrapped it in gold, put it in a Tiffany's box, written it in the sky and we would always have ended up the terrible villains.

So now we haven't just gained two seats from other members of Ro's family not being able to attend, we have gained an additional 4 seats, possibly 5, all because this particular family member has decided that if they can not come, no one else should.

To make matters worse, Ro's Gran hasn't once phoned him or tried to find out why he didn't want this family member present, she has automatically decided he is an awful person and has disowned him, which is such terribly upsetting behaviour, especially for a Christian. During this time, I haven't seen any understanding, forgiveness, or acceptance, just judgement, vengeance and disregard for his feelings.

The most upsetting thing is that Ro just wanted his Gran present, especially as she missed his Sister's wedding. He doesn't get to see her often and with the loss of his Granfather last year, it would have meant so much. Aren't families, and weddings, wonderful?!

Wedding Planning Pt.4

Image courtesy of the internet

One of the hardest parts of wedding planning is that everyone else isn't as excited as you are. 

I tried to arrange all of my bridesmaid to come to London to go wedding dress shopping, I had three responses saying 'yes, let me know when', one telling me that they were super busy and if it as a practical time, they'd attend' and one saying that 'they were coming to London with their baby soon and she'd let me know how it went'. I decided to put the last two comments down to lack of sleep. 

In regards to the wedding, Ro has had various responses, not all super positive and supportive. However, it is slowly coming together and if I have to drive to people's homes to get proper commitment from them, I will. I think if it was a simple day wedding, we would experience less stress, however we chose a weekend event...why did I always dream of spending the weekend with our friends and family?

The good news, is that we have had some great responses and amazing offers of support: free dining linen, bouquet, suit, photography, music (DJ and live) and general ears and advice. It has definitely been a clarifying experience, where we have had the chance to review certain relationships.

My advice to anyone else would be 'do not pin your heart on certain people reacting as you would like them to and if they don't, it isn't necessarily a bad thing, they may be distracted, have personal shit going on, or maybe just don't feel it's as important as what else they have going on'.

There is no point driving yourself mad about it, just find someone who is excited and do your favourite things with them, you'll probably have more fun and a better experience than dragging those who can not assist around with you, and this is exactly what I've done. It was too stressful trying to arrange all five bridesmaids, four of whom don't live in London, so I arranged my one London bridesmaid and a good friend to come with me to go dress shopping. Additionally, I hoped to go ugly wedding dress shopping with one of my bridesmaids but she's snowed under with her children and home improvements, and I don't want to add to her ever growing list of things to do, so I am going with my cousin and a good friend...and I can't wait.

It is upsetting that you have to change the people you want to spend time with, but I came to the conclusion that I would hate to add extra pressure to their lives and therefore would rather carry on, instead of not getting to do what I wanted...which I know sounds selfish, but I have a limited amount of time to do certain things, especially as my wedding date isn't going anywhere. I've always tried to be there for my friends when they've needed me, but if they can not be there for me right now, I'll enjoy them when they can and enjoy everyone else in the mean time.