Up gear, down gear, no gear.

So, I had a blast last night at Nell's party, it was ace. The whole night was a joyous event with interesting people.
I drank quite a bit and had some brilliant conversations with some people I'd never met before. We played 'What's in the rucksack?', which was quite funny and rather revealing, I got it totally wrong, spoke about naming inanimate objects and then discussed religion with a lovely chap until 6.30am. Got home and to bed at 7am, oppsy!

11am, a very nice chap turns up to remove the crap from our garden and assess the state of the garden...4 hours sleep, not happy. Hangover kicking in, yeah!

Finally get some energy and drive to work to clean up after the band in the studio. Come home to find my car struggling with gear changes...as you know, I had a gurgling and had been informed that my gearbox was becoming buggered and that my clutch was on it's way out...get to the Oxford ring road, hello can't get in to gear, finally manage it, with a mild patch of panic and carry on home, trying to hurry the traffic on as I go. Get to Cowley Road, stall, not happy...some bastard bus driver, decides he'll make gestures at me, yeah because I choose for my clutch to break...Cunt!
Phone the father, he suggests Mr Clutch, as I thought that was the problem and wa-hey - my gearbox has broken and is pissing gearbox oil out everywhere, I've left a trail of oil all the way from East Oxford to the Shire and back...not good! £1300 to fix it, can't be done till Thursday, I start to cry...general life, no money, no sleep, shit car = hysteria!. am not paying £1300 for a car only worth £1700. Call the AA, this heap of Fiat shit, isn't going anywhere on it's own!!!
Mr Clutch 'Simon' is a lovely bloke, he gives me a glass of water, I finally calm down, he continues to entertain me while I wait for the AA to show up and cart my car away to a farm in the south of Oxfordshire. Call Howardo, she comes and comforts me and makes me feel not so crap, (Mr Clutch 'Simon' will be getting a big thank you in the shape and taste of a lovely bottle of red wine, I hope he drinks?!).
Mr AA arrives, I give him the directions and contact details for the farm and the chap, Dave, who’s going to be receiving.
And Howardo and I head down the Cowley Road to carry on with our lives.

Have another chat with the father and he says that they'll run the granny-mobile to me tomorrow, when the whole family come to eat lunch...yeah, the granny-mobile is wicked! It's a Mazda 323, it's ancient from way back when, in the day of your!


Isn't she a beauty!!!

It's cream, has a lovely blue interior, a manual choke, only a radio no tape or cd player, 4 gears, no central locking, wind down windows and the all important factor of all, low mileage.
I remember being driven around by my grandparents in it as a kid, it was always kept in immaculate condition, you know in that way that only old people can do...and now it's going to be my temporary car...my only fear is that it may get wrecked on the Cowley Road by students and the like...bloody drunken fools. I hope they can show it some courtesy.

So here's to my car and its shit gearbox and also to the granny-mobile!

The Greatest Month is soon to begin...

I really wanted to write something about how much I love April, not because it's my birthday month, as the month starts, 3 days later my birthday has gone by without so much of a blink of an eye.

It's more because it's one of the better changing seasonal months. We all love March, as it's the first glimpse of Summer we see, there are sunny warm days, sunny windy days, occasional rainy days and the blossom starts to bloom and the baby animals start to pop out and up everywhere.

So yes March is great, amazing weather most of the time and is generally the first piece of relief after winter but April, ahh April, April is the cold reminder that Spring is not Summer. It comes with the rain and the overcast days, it starts off the clouded warmer night, after the stark cold clear winter nights, the grass turns slightly greener due to the rain. And then towards the end of it, something happens...around the 20th, the rain always buggers off, the clouds start to part a little more and the morale of people starts to cheer up, the flowers start to bloom larger and brighter, and best of all the blossom starts to fall like snow to welcome May.

And then there is May Day, which is always a bloody good laugh and so much fun. I love having a fry up at 6am with a pint, no better way to waste my sleeping time. Especially as last May Day was shit but thankfully relived me from a large noose around my neck..this year will be grand!

Ciao.

If only...

I'm just watching the end of the new James Bond film 'Casino Royale', I'm thinking that the 1970's David Niven one was better but what do I know?! Anyhow, thanks to 'Casino Royale', I'm now extremely nostalgic for Venice. I tripped there with the mother in 2005 and fell in love (as I also did with New York, or "Neew Yoirk" as the locals would say, way back during my 18th year of life), so watching it now, while Daniel Craig and the French bird, pretending to be English, sail on through has got me pining.
I want to return, revisit the beautiful magic city, but this time, instead of the mother, a handsome chap, with charisma and charm, a gorgeously swanky hotel and loads of romantic walks and dinner, t'would be nice!

I just wanna go back, and while there I'll learn some more Italian, as saying 'Il conto, per favore' at Mario's, doesn't quite live up to my Italian dream.

Am currently eating some very nice homemade soup that Mr Conway brought me up from the studio, it's truly delicious. Was going to buy some bread, as there is nothing like bread and chunky butter with soup but I'm quite content without.

Enjoy your weekends my sweets, I just want someone to take me to Venice, nothing more. Someday my prince will come, as Snow White sang, but let's hope I don't have to constantly pick up after seven small men, be poisioned and buried in a glass coffin, before hand.

Presents I won't except..

Smellies - I had enough fucking smellies when I was at secondary school and none of us had a creative enough mind to buy anything else, other than that "Strawberry selection pack from Superdrug that came with a free bottle of Charlie Red". So no thank you. I'm finally getting round to getting rid of the last load I was given over the last few years, it's quite enough of all that. Charity shops do love me though, I donate so much crap...doing my bit for Charitee.

Candles and the like - I've already got two shoe boxes of candles, incense, oil burners, etc. I do not smell and nor does my room/house. I like Candles but they have their place. To buy someone the right ones, would involve a close examination of their lifestyle. I do like incense but thanks to a small shop in Abingdon called Escapade (it opened when I was about 12 and at the height of my incense and candle loving days), I've enough to last me an entire lifetime.

Any Chocolate other than Cadbury's - I'm not a fan, unless it's Nestle White Chocolate. I never have been...I just don't really like Mars, Nestle chocolate, or any other type.

Pants/Knickers - If you happened to randomly think this might be a good idea, it's not. I always buy my knickers a size larger than I need, as for comfort and VPL are so hideous, especially when they dig in from being too small. So if you do decide it's a good idea...French knickers in a size 12 please...oh and only natural material.

Rose Wine - I'm not a fan of the stuff at all...why be that indecisive? Either have red or white, it's not that hard and it's not as though there isn't options, most places have a selection from dry to medium and full bodied to light. For shitting Christ sake...get some wine experience and drink proper wine. This does not however include Pink Champagne, that's fine, perfectly fine.

Vodka - If you want to watch me puke for 24 hours and loose all will to do anything other than hog the toilet seat, buy me Vodka and then spike my drink. I won't thank you and nor will anyone else. And those of you who say that Vodka has no taste or smell, your wrong my whole body jerks and freezes, as soon as vodka touches my lips with or without my knowing. Allergies are so much fun!

Clothes - I don't mind clothes per say, it's more that when people do buy me clothes, they always buy the wrong size. Just because I look tall and thin, with no hips, doesn't mean that I am tall and thin with no hips. And why is it, when I tell people this, they always say "Yeah, whatever, surely you're a size 8?", as though I've been fooling myself all these years and their one comment will make me fess up to having worn the wrong sized clothes for the last 5 years?! I think I fucking know what clothing size I am, after all I do buy my clothes and wear them.
If you do buy me clothes, 10-12 (Medium) is perfect...I hate being squeezed in to my clothes, I like freedom of movement, so if you're unsure buy me the larger and I can always exchange it or adapt it, if it's that bit to big. If you want to get truly technical, Size 10 lower half, size 12 upper half.

That's about it. Probably best to stick to the presents I'll except list, unless you know me really well.

P.S. I forgot to add Wine on that list - Medium Whites and Fruity Reds.

I want, sorry would like...

Below you'll all find a fantastic list of presents I'll happily accept for my birthday:

Creme Eggs (I would say in all shapes and sizes, but this is not true, as the fondant in the small ones is gross!), Double Deckers are also a fantastic option. If I was going for the jugular of all Chocolate bars, I'd opt for a Wispa (and no, Cadbury's Bubbly is not a good remake, not at all!!! It's lies, all lies!) but that would involve time travel, which really is to much to ask and expect.

Socks, preferably in my size but I'm really not fuss, with fun shapes and colours would be a pleasure. I'm a size 6-7.

Anything on my Amazon wishlist, listed under Pipsywoo and don't judge, just because I like a lot of crap, I've got to put up with it, not you...so just observe and move along.

Tickets to the theatre, only good theatre though. Gift Vouchers of any size, in general are good and yes I know I sound like an old person, I except it's a classic old person comment and so is the following comment, they are practical..as are vests, warm coats and ugly shoes.

Dinners, offers or restaurants either are good...I bloody love food.

Bottles of Champagne will be accepted and appreciated if chillled, but not appreciated if drunk.

Obviously Re: previous posts a blender would be so much appreciated but unlikely, can't wait to buy one...yeah! Frozen Margaritas!!!

Failing all of the above, a fantastic costume, a large smile and your presence would be enough to make me a happy person.

Lost's John Locke - A Marvellous Man

Now since Lost started, I've found myself fighting with my Lost loving friends. Many of them found John Locke's character sinister and odd. I find him endearing and lovable.

I love how he constantly has a slight smile on his face and with his new scar from the plane crash he's so cute, there really is nothing like a scar on the face of a man, to make him look butch and adorable.

Now, Lost did a fantastic job of making this amazing character on the borderline, is he a misunderstood huntsman or is he a sinister bloke with his own agenda, who knows! I think that is why he's one of the only characters who hasn't been assigned in a certain way. He was given a scar due to the crash to make him look scary, had a briefcase of knives, constant smile on his face, etc...all of his background stories have shown him as an angry gentle but misunderstood individual, a sweet natured kind soul and yet some of my friends are adament that he's evil or wrong.

He's not, he's marvellous. And he got the use of his legs back, a walking miracle to state nothing else.

I love him and think he's great...one of my ultimate favourites!


How could anyone with face like this be evil?!

Bloody learner drivers.

Today I've been followed (I say followed but they are always in front of me which implies I'm stalking them, although I'm not) by every bloody learner driver on the roads of Oxfordshire. Every time I got rid of one, another would crop up and totter along in front of me, causing me to get annoyed. And not only are they out in force and copying my every move, they are also just starting out in the driving stakes, so therefore stalling, weaving, not indicating, breaking 30 meters away from the hazard, etc, bloody people. I try and be considerate, as I don't want to add to their nerves and I remember what it was like to be a learner (all those years ago) but bloody fucking hell, Jesus, Joseph and Mary - Fucking get out of my way and off the roads, until you've learnt to drive.


A future blog of mine, will be one about bi-cycling and how much fun it is, in and around the city of Oxford. You'll also be introduced to the Fluorescent Wonder, if you haven't already seen me flying around on her. She really is a beauty to behold.
And no, I'm not choosing bi-cycling over driving, hell no but it is a handy alternative in a city, where the Council constantly rip up the roads, make it hell to get from one side to the other, charge ridiculous prices for parking and remove parking spaces whenever they fancy.

RIP my blender.

I am a lover of gadgets and general kitchen appliances. One of my favourite being the blender.
Now I feel sorry for blenders generally, as they are always over looked by numerous other appilances such as Sandwich Toasters/George Foremans, Deluxe Corkscrew sets, Kettles that change colours, Steamers, Expensive Knives, Milk frothers and Coffee Makers, to name a few.
Now of course there are the variations on the blender - food processors, hand held blenders, even smoothy makers (which get me so mad, they are blenders with a spout, what the fuck is the point, god this vexes me so much and I can't help but rant away - When I see one, I get so angry and generally have to have a word with the person who owns it. And yes my friend Jo had one and I told her what I thought, she soon learnt to hide it from my eyes when I visited) but my favourite is the classic, upright jugged blender, there's nothing mightier or more practical and they always look so regal on the work top, they are one of the appliances that have right of place on the work counter and not hidden in a box or cupboard some where. They stand so tall and proud and if you've taken great care in choosing your's, then it is probably glass, with black and shiny metal bits, it deserves to be admired by the passing visitors. there are no gimicks with them, they are straight talking machines, works of art and they never fail. They were designed with such care that they are easy to take apart and clean, what a marvel of design, creation, art, etc!

I am currently mourning the death of my old one. He was six months old and very pretty. He wasn't ideal, he was cheap, from Sainsbury's and wouldn't blend certain thick things, he'd freak out if you put him on his highest setting and as for his ice crushing option, yeah right whatever?! But he was a genius little thing and I adored him so much, when I bought him, I was so happy, I bounced up and down with glee! So to discover while trying to make soup last night, that he'd been cracked right down his side, straight through, was devastating, although watching the chicken stock pour out of the side was quite entertaining. I am slowly diposing of him bit by bit, I feel the pain will be less this way.

So, if anyone is lost on what to get me for my 'Quarter of a Century' birthday, a state of the art blender wouldn't go amiss, although you may want to buy with a friend of mine, as a good one, who does all he promises is around £50+ but I think I'm worth it.

A favour...

...if anyone sees Britney Spears, can they please give the girl a hug, offer her a pork pie with maybe some Branston Pickle on the side and lend her an ear to talk in to but DO NOT sell the story, as that would be mean.

Cheers.

Random items to shopping

I just had to pop to Sainsbury's a short while ago and I had to buy two random items.
I was hoping that there would be a witty comment or a pun or a general one liner from the cashier but nothing, god damn, not even a knowing look. When did these people learn not to pry?! Since when did these people have respect to not comment. I remember being one of these people and I was rarely respectable or considerate...hell no, it's no fun. Sat on a cashier for 8 hours, in two 4 hour breaks, with 15 minute breaks in both halves. It's godly boring, quips, puns, one liners, witty remarks, smart arse comments and knowing looks are all I had to save me from going crazy.
I mean if someone had bought a pack of condoms and a cucumber at the same time, a knowing smile would be demanded, at least. So why not when someone buys the below products!!! Bloody Sainsbury's did a better job at removing their cashier's personalities, than Waitrose ever did!



On an upside, look how pretty the power station looked this morning, a beautiful archway over the poetic cooling towers. Oh so pretty.

I can confirm...

...that Peppermint Tea and Ginger Nut biscuits do not go together.

It's not advisable.

Cor, I forgot...

...how tasty, a good cup of tea and a ginger nut biscuit is.
I'm telling you right now, if you've got the chance to invest in this ideal tea break snack, you should do so.

Not recommended

I cooked peas in the microwave at work today, it's not recommended.

Bliming cameo's

So I finally went to see Hot Fuzz yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed it and liked it a lot more than Shawn of the Dead (please keep your comments and views to yourselves, lol). I haven't laughed like that for ages, so really enjoyed it.
I loved the cameos from so many well known actors and comedians but most of the way through the film, I couldn't suss out why I knew who Blower and Wainwright were, it irritated me for ages and finally, thanks to the wonders of the web...Frank Bloody Gallagher, damn him! And only bloody Dead Man's Shoes star Paddy Considine, god the internet is a wonderful place!
Yeah, I'd recommend it to everyone.

As for Babel, it's another film (after Se7en, Fight Club, Twelve Monkeys, need I go on?!) where Brad Pitt decides he has to prove he can act "for christ's sake, we know this already, get over it!". So yeah, it's ok, really long, a bit shit and pointless...although the portrayl with the Japanese deaf mute girl has an interesting part with the night club, which is actually quite intense but the rest of it is dull. The only thing that kept me going were the occasional clips of Gael Garcia Bernel, god bless his pretty face and soul. Don't bother, unless you've time to waste.

What does the Internet smell like?

I was having a charming chat with Lukas through the power of emails and I brought up an interesting question: What does the Internet smell like? I assume it smells like sweat, hot wires and sperm...but there must be more to it than that. If the internet existed in the sense that space does...surely there must be a scent. I imagine that space smells too, like charcoal maybe?...but I'm sure that a scientist would tell me otherwise and then give me a three hour lecture on why there can't be any scent, or whatever.
If the internet does smell as I assume, would it be just sperm or would it be more female juices too, or just the basic smell of sex? As sex is generally an act between two people and yet a lot of what happens online is between one person and a camera/computer.
If anyone has any ideas, let me know?!

On a lighter note, I've started a blog about my experiences of no myspace (proper addict style of replacing one addiction with another), it'll be like the Big Brother updates (as suggested by Dale or Carl, well they suggested it for their's but I'm stealing it)...although probably a lot less witty and without the northern accent, I would try but anyone whose heard my attempts at accents will know why I'm avoiding this matter.

I watched The Science of Sleep last night and it was brilliant, very beautiful and rather funny. Gosh, I love beautiful arty films which make you think or just look at life in a different sense. I recommend it, to those of you who like artsy films, and to those of you who don't like artsy films or the occasional subtitles - avoid!

Strange going ons.

The toilet at work smells like cat wee and I can't get enough Peppermint tea at the mo, I'm not sure why this is but I love the fact that the box claims it to be 100% Peppermint leaves and no caffeine. And it smells like mint and makes me crave roast lamb, oh roast lamb how I love thee.

Other than that nothing to report, oh I'm giving up Myspace for lent, decided if I'm going to be a good Catholic girl?! That I should give up something worth while and at least I can start my exploration of better things online...there must be something else to occupy my time, so I don't miss it.
I have also changed my comments to be approved only, so I can't cheat and see what people are writing, when I commit, I commit properly.

Stranger Than Fiction is a pretty good film. And I can't wait to see The Science of Sleep tonight, CAN NOT WAIT!

The season of Lent.

40 days of sacrificing something your so used to, it's like the blood in your system. Giving up something that is a painful experience, something that means a lot and something that represents your willing to show your commitment to life, or your religion, whichever way you want to look at it?!
Every year my father asks the following question Philippa what are you giving up for Lent? and every year I give him the same answer, the same answer I give when people ask about my New Year Resolutions and my birthday wishes - Nothing!
But this year represented a change in me, I have two New Years Resolutions (stop biting my nail and to sort out my finances, so by 2008, I've some savings and no overdraft) and I'm also going to give up something for lent but what to give up is the ultimate question. Plus it's right over my birthday, so I don't want to give up alcohol or something that I may rely on for my birthday celebrations but I want it to count and make me think about life.
I've spoken with my housemates about it. Lollipop suggested all fizzy drinks but that would include Soda water, which is a hell no! I could give up just Coca-Cola but since my last stint of not eating due to anxiety, I've hardly drunk any and Diet Coca-Cola is such a momentary thing that it wouldn't even register on my scale.
Swearing was suggested but I'd break that immediately, I've tried for my mother's sake to stop swearing before but it never lasts. She then suggested that I just gave up the C word (Cunt to you and I) but it's my substitute swear word and having to wait 40 days to call someone it, would kill me, especially when no other word will do (only other passionate swearers will truly appreciate the poetry in that statement, I know Lukas will for sure).
Cleaning was suggested but it wouldn't last long and would probably cause me to be commited under the mental health act and as lovely as Littlemore appears, I like viewing it from the outside.
I could try to give up Bitching but my life would become so black and white and I'd end up crying myself to sleep, as I'd be curving my natural instinct to say what everyone else is thinking.
There's no point in giving up crisps, Jaffa Cakes or chocolate, as since going back to work after Christmas, I've hardly eaten any.
I could give up shopping or pub trips but I've not done any of these things recently due to lack of funds.
Giving up things such as Family Guy, streaming America TV online or Myspace, would cause my days at work to be so unbearable, I'd cry cry cry and not in a 'I wear my emotional heart on my shoulder and cry at everything' sense, more a I'm loosing the will to live, oh dear god be done with me immediately and put everyone else out of their misery, by doing away with me.

So I'm left with the final question of what to give up and I've only one day to make my mind up.

I could try Myspace and at least everyone would be able to see if I've cheated or not. But I'm lost, damn it, trying to please my father for the first time in ages in relation to the faith I was raised as, is so hard!

It feels like ages, since I felt like this...

On a day where Anna Nicole Smith has died for currently unknown reasons, Axl claims not to find the appeal of porn appertising and my fortnight finally looks like it's going to take a turn for the better, finally.
I today have found myself watching two films while sat at my desk. The first being "Perfume: The Story of a Murderer", now I got excited about this when I saw the trailer and I wasn't disappointed (except for the lack of attempt at accents, bloody American audiences), although I haven't read the book and when I told Julie from the office what I was watching, she observed that he wasn't unattractive enough and then continued with her comments. although little do you all know, that I'm refusing to ever read the book before watching the film, as I'm always so dissapointed with the film and I hate being disappointed by films, as I adore them. If the book takes my fancy, then I may carry on with a book but I'm not a big reader, in fact it's more I don't find much time to read, I'm always on the go with creating, sewing, cooking, baking or something else.
The second film I observed was "A Night at the Museum", it was rather good. It had a brilliant cast and I did enjoy it, it was nice to just be able to switch off and not think about what's going on and as always the typical Disney ending was installed, which is nice.

I've had an odd week, with interesting revelations, horrendous hangovers, sales offers for my creations, home truths, dinner parties, calls from abroad, forced holidays from friends who need to be alone to deal with their past, tears and upsets, mega make-up, burnt mouths from Ratatouille, trips away from Oxford, an amazing gig and a crap gig and finally, Karma coming to serve up some just deserts, which is always pleasant to observe, especially when I've been on the receiving end of these certain people's actions. I wish all the best to those who are being bitten by Karma but don't turn to me anymore, as this door mat has walked away.

For once and the first time in a while, I'm thinking about me and not how my actions effect others and it feels alright. I'm not sure how long I'll wear this jacket for, as it's not really my thing but for now, it's a cosy fit but I think I'll keep the training wheels on for a while, just in case.

Fuck YEAH!!!

The new series of America's Next Top Model is on tonight, I'm oh so excited, it is the greatest show and I can't wait to see who the next Jade will be.....yeah!!!!

The Static Charged Jeremy Kyle Show

I haven't really watched that much Jeremy Kyle of late, there is only so much polyester, screaming obscenities at the tops of their smoked effect voices with their badly enunciated speech, TV watching that I can do, before I start wanting to kill myself or buy a stately home somewhere remote, to continue my belief that Georgian (2007) England is a marvellous place, where women are ladies (who wear dresses, cross their ankles, sit up straight, do the daily household chores like embroidery, speak in such pretty voices and are generally marvellous human beings) and men are gentlemen (who wear britches, ride horses, find it hard to say the right words to express how they are feeling, defend the honour of every lady and are generally marvellous).

I used to quite enjoy Trisha though, as she'd been everywhere and done everything...she'd have a guest on the show who'd be a scag hooked prostitute, who was beaten by their mother, sexually assaulted by their dad, ridiculed and made to feel worthless by their uncle and her brother would be her drug dealing pimp and Trisha would have done it a little better, by doing it while constantly juggling and on a unicycle...god she was great.

But Jeremy Kyle just tells people that everyone gets a say on his show and then when they try to say something, he shouts at them...I do however, love how he always penalises one of them, in the typical bad guest/good guest stylee.

The average person in the audience, look as though they didn't know that there is a difference between man-made and natural fibres. And with the glare and shine the camera picks up when it swings round to the audience, it leads me to believe that they are on average wearing man-made fibres, as well as too much blusher, a base which is wrong for their skin tone, a bra 3 sizes to small and were unable to get to their mate to have their toilet bleach highlights retouched.
Now generally in studios, there is a lot of electric energy running around the studio, with cameras, cabling, lights, etc.

So miniture mathematical equation: Man Made fibres + electricity/friction = static charge!

Basically:
How much static energy must be in the Jeremy Kyle studio?
Do Jeremy and his crew have to wear anti-static armour?!
Do they earth the bottom of the audiences seats?
And if it's of considerable amounts, could we harness it some how and use it to shoot rockets of the guests in to space or maybe just Jeremy?