Chocolate Brownies Recipe

This recipe is from my childhood Osbourne cook book with some mild changes, and it has been making incredible brownies for 30 years plus... (As always, bear with me, as I embellish on this recipe depending on my mood).

Ingredients:

4oz / 100g Plain Flour
8oz / 200g Caster Sugar
2 Medium Eggs
4oz / 100g Butter
1/2 tsp Baking Flour
2 large bars of chocolate - 200g White / 200g Dark/Milk (depending on taste), I always use White and Dark, for a

Melt the Chocolate, Butter and Sugar in a Pyrex bowl over a saucepan of simmering water.
Sieve the Flour and Baking Powder into a large bowl.

Once everything is melted, add to the Flour, with the Eggs. Until it doesn't stick to the bowl, due to being too oily (if this doesn't happen, don't fret, it'll be fine). If you're adding extras, add them now...

Throw in a greased baking tray, it doesn't matter what size, as long as it all fits in. It will probably only rise one 3rd of the depth, or so...

Throw in the oven at 180c / Gas Mark 4 for 25-30 mins.
It will still be a little gloopy when you do the knife test in the middle, this is good. If it's still pretty gloopy, leave in for another 5 mins, it varies in all ovens.

Await till cool = yumminess!
If it gets a little hard/stale, heat up for 30 sec in the microwave, yumminess revived.



Now, I've done many different versions of these, (so just have fun, experiment):

Bashed up Walnuts/Almonds, etc
Only melted half of the chocolate, left the other half bashed up, for crunchy bits.
Honeycomb.
Chopped up Glacier Cherries.
One Orange Rind chopped up finely.
Weed was a popular choice to some of my friends.
Etc.

It's an easy recipe and fun to do various things with. Enjoy!

Impossible to fuck up Chocolate Brownies

Now located here: Pipsy Designs - Chocolate Brownies

Stringy Light-shade

Now located here: Pipsy Deisgn - Stringy Light-shade

Baking Bread

For some reason, within my 29 years of living, I've never made bread from scratch. Well, I have now!

I acquired a baking book by Emma Patmore. It's an excellent book, with easy to follow instructions. I made the Garlic Rolls, I've been coveting the Garlic & Sage Bread but thought I'd leave that for now.

How to make the Garlic Rolls:

Ingredients -

12 cloves of garlic (I used 14 and it hardly seemed garlicky, but I love garlic, so?)

350ml / 12 floz milk

450g / 1lb Strong White Bread Flour

1 tsp Salt

1 Sachet of Dried Yeast (She recommends Easy Blend, I used Fast Acting)

1 tbsp Dried Mixed Herbs (I didn't use any, I used a handful of Fresh Chives)

2 tbsp Sunflower Oil (I used Vegetable Oil, what can I say, I'm not good at following recipes)

1 beaten Egg

Due to not being very good at following recipes (and not owning a blender, I've adapted some of the instructions).

Right, peel and chop the Garlic Cloves up really small, boil and simmer in the Milk for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, mix together the Flour, Salt & Yeast.

When the garlicky Milk has cooled, add the Oil and Egg, pour gradually into the Flour while mixing.

I found that my mixture was gunky and wet, so threw lots of flour on the side when beating, which helped dry it up.

Beat up (knead) the dough for a little while on a floured side, and then leave for one hour, in a greased container, covered by a cloth.

Once it's expanded to twice the size or larger, beat it up for a couple of minutes and then separate into eight different rolls, or more if you want small ones (I'm tempted to insert some garlic butter next time).

Place on a greased baking tray, score the tops of the rolls, dip in Milk (or brush some Milk on the top, if you own a fancy basting brush), sprinkle some Rock Salt, or grated Garlic on top, or cheese?

Put into a pre-heated oven at 220c/425f/Gas Mark 7 for 15-20 minutes.

Et Voila - tasty rolls!

Baking Bread

Now posted here: Pipsy Designs - Baking Bread

Stringy Lamp Shade

Tom and I had a go at making one of these last night.

We took their advice but I made a few adjustments and have some personal advice.

You will need:

An old towel or large piece of tarpaulin

A glass bowl or old plastic container

1/4 litre Cornflour

1/8 litreWater

1/8 litre PVA glue

Wool or String (I recommend wool)

Balloons

Right, as you might all know, if you mix water and cornflour together, it becomes a compound, where as, if you mix the water and glue together and then introduce the cornflour, it turns to a crazy ultra strength glue mixture.

It's best to do this on a hard floor, or outside in a dry area. My flat has hard floors but we stupidly set it up in the middle of our sitting room, and then had to limbo every time we walked in. So think carefully before you set up.

Suspend some wool or doweling rod (if you're lucky to have one), across an area, and place the towel or tarpaulin under it. Blow up the balloon and suspend from the line/rod.

We found that we needed two of us, as one of us spent most of the time holding the balloon in place when placing the gluey wool. We also took the advice and lubed up the balloon (which is a new experience).

Cut lengths of the wool and dip in to the glue. In hind sight, I would have ensured that we'd stripped off more of the excess glue, than we did, when pulling the wool out of the mixture and placing on the balloon.

We also ensured that there was at least three inches round, clear at the top of the balloon, as we have a wide fitting on our sitting room light fixture.

We experienced some issues with getting the wool under the balloon to stick, stupid gravity. But we found the more we added, under and over, the easier it was to hold it in place. We also, purposefully tucked the ends and beginnings under, or next too, other lines.

Add as little or as much as you'd like, it's a personal choice. Leave until dry. We had to restring the suspension, as it was touching the ground by the end. They suggest you leave it for 24 hours, but our balloon popped after 17 hours, which was eventful!

I tried to cut off the excessive glue and loose woollen strands, but decided I was only being anal.

They also suggest you spray paint it afterwards (I was going to glitter spray it but decided to leave it neutral/nature), but I was thinking that different coloured wools would be quite fun. Rainbow lampshades any one?

I used some thin wire and suspended it from the fitting. It's not great, but as a first attempt, I was relatively pleased (what can I say, I'm a tough crowd).

Growing Shit Pt.1

Since moving in to the flat, I've found that I own a lot of random bits and bobs which are perfect for a house, they just sucked when I only had a room and one cupboard in a kitchen. After getting bored of unpacking on the third day after moving in, I got bored, so threw a couple of baskets of stuff under the bed. Major mistake, as most of it could go in the kitchen: candle holders, jars, fairy lights, cups and saucers, bunting, need I go on...

Anyhow, I've always failed at growing things, house plants, herbs, vegetables, if it needs help to grow, I've killed it!
But, I now have a south facing window, that gets a lot of light and thanks to my grandma, a pile of terracotta pots. I cheated by buying pre-potted herbs from Sainsburys and repotted them. Within 2 weeks, they were all still alive, thriving even, and I've had to repot the Basil due to it being huge! The only one which is suffering is the Coriander, I'm at a loss! Must do some research.

When walking past the Bishopgate Kitchen the other day, they handed me what I thought were matches but in fact were herb seeds. Well. Instantly I got excited, I've kept pre-potted herbs alive (bar the Coriander, which is technically alive but not happy), how hard can it be to grow from scratch! I've filled two teacups with some soil and am going to have a go at growing Thyme and Sage! I'll keep you up to date!

Upholstery Funtimes

Now located here: Pipsy Designs - Upholstery

Upholstery Funtimes Part 1

So, I'm not very good at this, I've done loads of renovations, of various kinds but have never blogged about them (well not really), so bear with me...

Once we had the flat confirmed and we'd check the size of the kitchen and what furniture we needed, we journeyed to the reclaim yard close to my parents house, Haynes of Challow, if you live anywhere near it, I recommend it, it's great! We went in to the final two sheds (leftover crap/house clearances, that no one else wants). JFo, Tom and I all scoured the place, JFo found a huge leather topped desk that she could have quite happily lived in/on, given a chance, and an antique rocking chair she had a mild love affair with.

Tom found many things he liked, most of which were out of our price range, although he did love a lampshade that was of the Victorian "World" map, it was lovely but he wouldn't buy it?!

I fell in love with everything but I have a love for poor, seatless, backless chairs that require some love, new seating, new legs, new backs, etc. Anyhow, we found four hapless said chairs at the back of a pile of other hapless chairs, and due to them all costing a total of £48, we could justify the £98 for the gorgeous fold out dining table, which has a hidden drawer and is just too charming for words.

Tom's choice was a leather covered chair with a bite out of the back, and a really charming chair, with holes in the seat. I chose two sorry looking chairs, one with the seat falling off and the webbing ripped, and the other with the webbing ripping but the seat, relatively in tact from hessian down.

The one with the hessian intact (see right) was easy to fix, especially as I used some gorgeous fabric from a kind friend, and I threw some new webbing in and a new cushion, for good measure. I also, put some trimming over the staples I used, yep, I totally cheated. I did however, stick the trimming on with furniture pins. I'm learning!

The other one, with ripped webbing and screwed seat didn't quite look like this, when we bought it, it was falling apart, filled with horse hair and had a rotten seat. After I threw out the seat, I ended up with this sorry looking thing (see left). The next exciting thing I did was try to get the nails out and the webbing off. It was interesting, a lot of them, I had to hammer a lot of them in more, rather than try to remove them, as many of them had rusted. I did my best with a pair of pliers, a tack hammer and a claw hammer and some determination (plus one hurting finger, due to a miss hit with the hammer, ouch).

After I'd gotten it cleared, I set about making a new seat base, I had to use curtain tape, as the haberdashery near my new pad didn't have any webbing (damn it!). Curtain tape worked very well though. I used the furniture tacks to perfection, as I totally forgot to buy carpet tacks earlier. They worked a treat and the seat works well. It looks stupid, but I can't wait to put the new cushion and cover on it! It's so exciting!

Isn't it cute!

After I'd got the seat webbing sorted, I set about finding a cushion, I totally cheated, I was going to get some foam and shape a seat accordingly, but instead, I used a cushion pad I had lying around. I was going to use two, but it seemed too poofy, so chose one big pad and shaped it (Although in hind sight, I should have used two, as it feels very thin now).

Once I'd got that sorted, I drapped the chosen material over the chair and started to staple accordingly, tucking the edges in for a crisp look. I found that stapling first, means you've more room to change and adapt. I mainly focused on getting the corners neat, as they have the most work to do. Once I was happy with the shape, I tacked it in place to secure the material.

Due to running out of upholstery pins, I glue gunned on the trim to cover the tack heads (cheating once again). It was a steady job but definitely worth it. I'm really proud of my work, even if I cut corners. Although, now I've sat on it a bit and realised I should have put two pads on the seat, I'm going to cover another cushion in the same material and use it accordingly.

New Flat

With baited breath on Saturday morning, we packed up the car with Tom's property and headed to London, to meet with our letting agency, sign the contract and get the keys. There was a small part of me that had suppressed my excitement about it all, in case it's fell through at the last minute. Once we'd parked up near the shop and walked in the door, I felt all anticipation disappear. We signed the contract, got the keys and headed to our new humble abode. Right next door to Brick Lane.

It is perfect, bigger than either of us had remembered. Far too much surface space and storage in the kitchen (if there is such a thing). The sitting room was deeper, the bedroom bigger, than I remembered too. We can see Brick Lane from our flat window (it is only a 30 second walk after all) and the Gherkin from our kitchen window. It's truly perfect. It's easily accessible from Euston Road, outside of the Congestion Zone and surrounded by nice pubs, bars and shops. I couldn't be happier. Oh yes I could, we met our landlord on Sunday morning (there I was in knickers and a cardigan, hungover to fuckery, meeting him for the first time), and he's lovely, friendly and helpful. He mentioned our mouldy shower and instead of doing an Oxford Landlord classic (grout over the old mouldy grout), he's going to completely retile the entire thing, as well as the kitchen. I'm still pinching myself to ensure I'm not in the Matrix or something.

After a 30 minute wait at the One Stop Shop to get parking permits and visitors permits, etc. With the aid of a very kind and friendly lady who worked there and the direction of another extremely kind and friendly member of staff, who told me what to say, I had applied for and was in receipt of said permits. Which made the entire moving 1000 times easier for us. Thank you kind people of Bethnal Green One Stop Shop.

We unloaded the first lot of Tom's property, with the kind help of James, and off we set for the second load. A three hour round trip and Tom was moved in, I was stressed, Tom was happy/hot/sweaty/patient/kind (delete where appropriate) and I was also in the possession of a cold glass of wine, thanks Tom.

That night we finally made our way out to the pub, Carpenter's Arms, which if they'll accept us, might be our new home from home. A great selection of wine, a good looking menu, small courtyard garden and friendly staff = a very happy and drunk me! At the pub we sat with James, his partner, Caroline, and her school friends, who were far too kind, friendly and generous, for their own rights. Eventually, I realised I was wasted and departed for home, via our late night offy, right around the corner from my house, what perfect location! Although, their bacon is shit!

Back home, we watched Kill Bill Vol.2 in our new bedroom, drinking wine and eating bacon sandwiches. Eventually I passed out in our new flat. The next morning I woke to some arse tooting a horn at 7am, I struggled out of bed, mid slumber to shut the windows, to then hear the chorus of neighbours telling said wanker to shut the fuck up. I love our neighbours, already love them! Back to slumber and eventually woke up to the Sunday market, where people of the world gather to sell food, clothes, art, antiques and stolen stuff!

Did I mention that I love our new flat? How I love our new Street? Did I mention that I couldn't be happier? Yeah, I didn't think so.

All that is left now, is to move all of my crap (there is a lot of it) into the flat, with the generous help of Tom, Lianne and Chris and I'll be as happy as the pig in shit, while I pay my kind friends with food, drink and entertainment. Let the new period of my life, dwelling in London Town commence...

Oil issues!

I've a car conundrum. I've owned my Nissan Almera 1.6 05 since October 2008. For the first year or so, it ran beautifully, then Autumn last year, it started making very sporadic grring noise, I got it checked out when the noises became regular (as Mechanics need something to go on) and stupid me, I had no oil. I was dry. I was dry to the bone! I was arid, more like the desert (my poor car. Since then, I've had a very hollow horse sound within my engine (no oill damage, of course).

Ever since that oiling up, I've run out of oil within three months, regardless of trip length, I drive quite a lot for work and pleasure, doing about 13,000 miles a year. I popped to my local garage earlier and they advised me to get my engine steamed, so they can see clearly where the leak is. Mr Steamer, who is a lovely and helpful guy said there was hardly any oil on the underside of my engine and was unsure to why my car would be using so much?! I've now left it with my mechanic he's going to look at it, he suggested I could be burning it through my exhaust (but that seems crazy), I guess we will see. But if I am burning that much oil, that's awfully expensive and seems ludicrous! And if that is the case, boy am I glad that I'm selling it come August.

In case, you're wondering, it has 60,000 on the clock and has never had any major, or minor, issues when being MOT'd.
And confession time: I haven't done the engine check (putting cardboard under the car overnight - silly of me, I know) but oil speaks have appeared outside work when it's been parked up for 8 hours, they seem to be the size of a penny, which is nothing I know, but over time, obviously...

Departure

I'm moving to London, as of mid June. Tom and I have been planning it for ages and are finally getting everything sorted. We've found a flat, busted many a groove around our new district (Bethnal Green/Shoreditch) and applied for 1001 jobs. No jobs as of yet but they will come soon enough, positivity is the way forward.

But this does mean that I'll be departing the dizzying heights of Courtyard. 9 years of Courtyard loving and I'm finally leaving them all behind. They've kindly offered me a lunch to say "adios", which obviously I've said "hell yes" too. I'm no fool, free food + drink = funtimes Pipsywoo!

I'm a little excited about the future but I'm constantly feeling emotional about leaving this part of my life behind; work, friends, my parents being accessible and my grandma. I feel extremely bad about leaving my grandma behind but I have committed 10 years to caring for her, and my mum is soon semi-retiring, so will have more time to offer her.

For my departure lunch, I'm going to get drunk off my arse and wear sequins. I love sequins, they are so happy and sparkly! It won't be the first time I've been drunk at work, or with work colleagues but it will be the first time it's in the middle of the day and not the next day!

I'm a little worried I'll cry all the way through lunch, there I'll be, wearing hot pink sequins, drunk on red wine and crying inbetween bites of my meal, sobbing my heart out with every mouthful, declaring my undying love and appreciation for everything my bosses have done for me. Oh what a sight it'll be!

Eek! I'm so excited! Sequins, good wine, a three course meal and, me, a sobbing mess, is there anything more perfect?!

Osama

I originally posted this on ThisBarThatBar but I've decided it is quite a personal statement and probably belongs here, due to that fact:

I'm not sure I believe this story! It all seems so ideal. There seems to be no evidence at all, it was him and yet, America is claiming they've killed Osama Bin Laden.

I get that their intelligence is extremely high and they, probably, wouldn't go in and kill anyone, I do believe that they believe it was him and maybe it was. Let's be fair, it probably was him and he has just been hanging out in Pakistan for years, chilling and enjoying some iced tea (I like the idea of him drinking Iced Tea, while in a deck chair?!).

I've been saying for years that he's working in one of the middle American States flipping burgers, but seriously I think he's been dead for ages. I personally don't believe he was killed at the weekend. I'm not sure why I feel like this, maybe it's the cynical, doubtful Brit in me, or maybe, I just like a good conspiracy theory. Who knows?! It all seems so perfect and ideal, especially politically standing, when people were starting to doubt Mr Obama, especially as people seem to think that a countries leader will change things over night, and supposedly he hasn't changed anything so far?!

I agree that Osama wasn't a nice person (within the highest order. What he represented, was horrid and for him to claim the instigation and actions of 9/11 is unforgivable and disgusting), but didn't he deserve to go on trial and get a relatively fair one at that? If there is such a thing. To have gone in to kill, seems extremely heartless, and don't get me wrong, he was a very warped and horrid being but I thought democracy was about the right to a trial and judgement by your peers, etc. I'm just so confused. For what he represents; death seemed apt, but there is still a part of me that believes, the way it was dealt with, will cause more issues in the future.

At least Saddam Hussein received a trial, by his own people. I know Osama doesn't really have his own people (most countries disown him), so therefore he would have been extradited to the UN, where he probably wouldn't have even made it to court anyway, but?!

I guess in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter if he's alive or dead. The extremists will continue to hail him an icon and he will represent their beliefs. We Westerners will still see him as one of the purest forms of evil and responsible for some horrific acts by human beings.

So I guess the real question is: Is his death actually relevant?

Suicide by Rock n Roll

David Bowie - Rock n Roll Suicide

Every time I hear this song, I see it used in a film, where the main loveable character sings it at karaoke and looses their head by the end of the film. Here's hoping that one day, Hollywood reads my blog!

Get a Handle Pipsywoo

I'm currently hoping someone will employ me to be their assistant in London. Tom and I are heading that way in June. I'm overly excited, a little anxious and generally pissed off, but I'm only pissed off right now, in 30 minutes I'll be fine.

The reason I'm peed off is: I've signed up with a creative industry agency in London, whom everyone recommended. They seem extremely professional and nice. The lady who called me was so, so lovely and she organised me an interview at their offices on Monday, when Tom and I are hoping to get irritated and pissed off at the lack of flats in our chosen area.

To save time, they've sent me through an online prove it test, to ensure that I can use a computer (mainly, I think it's to prove I've at least a whole brain and can switch a computer on), I tried to take the test the evening I got it, but I decided I'd drink beer and watch bad TV instead, as I got nervous. Then I thought about it last night but I watched a sad film and cried instead. Today, I finally bit the bullet and I found that my Mac isn't eligible for the programme required, luckily my work Mac has a PC on it too, I'm still unsure why?!

I got it running and had a go. I thought I'd try Excel first, as I can use it to a relatively competent level, although my main usage for it is to make guest lists, calendars and touring budgets, nothing more exciting, like pie charts but maybe one day. I fucked up the test big and royally! Firstly, the user system she sent over was PC based Office 2007 (I knew it would be but I didn't realise how different it is to Mac's Office setup). We use Mac based Office 2011, and were on 2010 until a month a go (this transition alone took me two weeks to master). I spent most of the test trying to find where everything was and then I fucked it anyway, as I didn't realise that the first few questions were actually supposed to change things, instead of you click on the correct area, get no response and then move on. I'm a dick, I've never done one of these tests before, I only wrote my first CV, ever, last month.

I'm guessing I've got about 50% right, when in fact it should be at least 90%.

Secondly, after nerves and annoyance, I settled for a typing test but I freaked and started looking at what I was writing, instead of what I was supposed to be writing, then my hands started to shake so I kept on hitting the wrong keys and then, bang, just like that, the test was over. I got about two paragraphs just finished, if that, and they were tiny paragraphs.

I've got left Word (I feel mildly confident but am crapping my pants, due to feeling relatively confident about Excel. I'll end up searching for the right list, option, key, etc for most of it, again) and Powerpoint (which I've already explained I've never used, so that could be fun?!).

The thing is, I don't want to blame it on the different user faces, as that is bollocks and I've got to remember that most office in London use PC's. I've got to reacclimatise to the grey, non-sensicle, awkward world that is Microsoft. Whether I like it or not. Which won't be that hard, it's only been 10 years since I was using one actively. But I'm a quick learner and once I'm dealing with a PC everyday, I'll pick it up in no time, no time at all but throwing myself into a test which is wholly PC based and having never seen Excel or Word in PC Office 2007 format before, has made me feel crappy about the whole thing.

I just pray to god that my interviewer likes me, otherwise I'm screwed!

Man V. Food

I exposed my housemate to this TV show at the weekend, and she loved it. It's perfect weekend TV and it never fails to make me hungry!

I think he's great, what could be better than watching a guy devour shit loads of food?! Yum!

Some people wonder why you'd want to watch a guy eat copious amounts of food, my question is "why wouldn't you?", it's a feat of human accomplishment, I stupid accomplishment but one, none the less! I could never do it and why isn't he the size of the house?!

I wonder how often he films the epic eating? I'm assuming one a week, maybe?! One a day in a row would be crazy talk!

Just watch him eat 5 Fat sandwiches, god I'm starving now!

Gertrude Jeannette

What an awesome woman Gertrude is!

And I'm loving the tagline on the right "Woman: I had no clue my lover's dead granny was in the bedroom closet", it's so Jerry Springer! I can almost imagine Jerry saying "And here is the ex-lover's dead granny to have her say..".

Claudia Winkleman

I really dislike *Claudia Winkleman, I'm not sure when I started to dislike her, or when it became an over whelming desire to eradicate her from my television but I do.

I don't remember hating her back when (in fact I used to like her), but right now, I really dislike her and whenever she comes on the radio or tv, I want to remove her orange face and over khol'd eyes from said item. It's not personal, it's more that she seems a bit pointless. She currently hosts 'Film 2011' and yet they employ an film expert to tell her what the film is about and why it's good. I've never seen such a pointless situation in my life?! God, it makes me so so angry!!! I guess it's Film 2011 fault and not her's but I've some how morphed my issue on to her.

I bet 'Film 2011' ratings have declined massively since Jonathon Ross left, why not just have the film expert host it, or James King from Radio1 host it. Or launch a new face, who is charismatic and obsessively informed about films.

I saw her host "Nevermind the Buzzcocks" a while ago and she was pretty rubbish on that also. Unable to banter with the teams and bad timing with jokes but in an unfunny way. I'm sure she's a lovely person but couldn't she open a flower shop or a cake shop instead of hosting everything I want to watch!



*I dislike her so much that I considered linking to her Wikipedia page, to help identify her for you but couldn't be bothered, because I dislike her that much!!!

Blonde Moment

I always thought that an "airstrike" was when other countries forced your country to not fly planes or helicopters. No shit!

And I've always wondered why that would cause such disruption to civil war, etc. I knew it was wrong but never really thought about finding out what one actually was. I now know, it's all cool and it makes loads more sense, obviously!

Laurence Olivier

I'm not sure why but this is one of my favourite photos. It's by Terry O'Neill and I think it's perfect in every way!