This could be a new excuse for Jeremy Kyle's guests!

It might be possible that this is the best sentence I've read in a long time:

Lastly, Bering explains how a woman can get pregnant by a man she never had sex with:

If "Josh" were to have sex with "Kate" who recently had sex with "Mike," in the process of thrusting his penis back and forth in her vagina, some of Mike's semen would be forced under Josh's frenulum… Were Josh to then have sex with "Amy" several hours later, it is possible that some of the displaced semen from Mike would still be present under his foreskin and thus may be unwittingly transmitted to Amy who, in turn, could then be impregnated by Mike's sperm. Of course, all of these people would need to be obsessed with dick".

I might try this one day, just because I can.

It was taken from a report on 'Scientific American', obviously I wasn't reading that, it was brought to my attention by Jezebel, like all the good stories I write about. If you'd like to read the whole article click here.

Garfunkel and Oates

Am currently loving these two girls, singing how they see it.

Pure genius!

This is one of my favourites -


This is pretty good to -

Reunion with a difference...

If I'd gone to school in America, I totally would have done this at my reunion.

Brain so full...

....yet I'm finding it so hard to empty any of it, it's constant noise and chatter and I can't clear it no matter how I try.

And everytime I think about writing a blog, I think of funny, witty things and then my fingers start typing and nothing....

I'm in love with this photo above. It's not funny and is pretty awful. I do not condone or believe the KKK are right in anyway, I just love how unhappy the kid looks about being dressed up in a mental outfit!!! It looks as though his actual thoughts are "You have to be having a laugh, you stupid bitch".

Also, in another world of scary children. There is a current American show about Children Beauty Pageants which is beyond scary. The blog I read regularly linked to some of the girl's websites and oh my god, I mean, there is airbrushing and then there is AIRBRUSHING.
I believe the photo to the left is the perfect example of the latter - argh! She looks like she belongs to The Corn!!!
Everything about her makes me scared shitless...if I woke up in the middle of the night and found this staring back at me, I'd shit my pants!!! "Run for your lives".

In other news, not much is going on. I spent a lovely weekend in Polzeath Cornwall. For a hen do. It was incredibly charming and lovely but I can't share any stories here, it would be uncouth. One doesn't hen do and tell. Needless to say it was fun times all round!!!

When I can make sense of the remaining brain sick in my head, I shall puked it up here but right now - it's a huge jumbled mess of crazy!

If only the below was a skit!!!


And once you hear it, you'll be humming it all day long:

Lost vs Heroes

So in Lost, what is done in the future, can't be changed by adapting pasted actions.

In Heroes, you can change the future by adapting past actions.

If the writers of each show had a massive fight, who would win? And if time travel is possible, who is right?

I'm so confused!

Confusing Sex Ed

Let's hope this guy never teached Sexual Education to children.
Aren't the kids already confused enough...



If only his dad had flushed this "potential" offspring down the toilet!

Watch more confused bigoted uneducated ramblings by this guy.

The second post of my 28th year!

I've been thinking about the inevitable speeding ticket and decided instead of the kind smile and nod, to ensure I knew I'd been busted. I'd have preferred him to have done a commando roll and then propped himself up on one knee with gun in hand for full effect but alas, it was not to be.

I'm pretty sure I was ranting about a film a while ago called Wristcutters: A Love Story. Well, if not, I'm foolish and if so, it's going to happen all over again. As I finally got it on dvd. It is now available to purchase. And I love it so. It's such a charming concept and with the Gogol Bordelloesque soundtrack and washed out filming style, works exceedingly well for the feeling it's trying to get across. You should watch it, very soon. I adore it and everyone I've recommended it too, has loved it also.

It was my 27th birthday the other day. I turned 27 years old. Most people don't think it's possible, due to the Oil of Olay doing it's job. Alas, it is possible. Maybe this means I should go to Hollywood and play a kid at highschool?
The evening was a major success! I went for a sedate affair, where I located myself in a pub and awaited friends to show up. In fact, I turned up late and had friends waiting for me, which is nice.
Loads of people showed up and I had a fantastic night. Funniest being that my friends took all the photos and then returned my camera at the end of the night. Looking through them the next morning was rather entertaining.

The guys at the pub made me drink the entire layered shooters board. There are 15 in total and they are all 35ml sized glasses, I think someone worked out that I basically had 20 standard shots (not recommended and to any old punter, wouldn't be allowed), plus the long drinks of choice. Oh deary me. Luckily I'd been training all week for it and also had eaten everything I could find that day, so I was well prepared. The night ended at a very quiet Cellar with dancing fun times. I also stood in dog poo - yay me!

My 28th year is off to a good start!

Plus, my housemates obviously like me too much (probably for all the cleaning I do), as they gave me a sturdy steed to race around town on. And she is a cool rider! So, as of this week, it is RIP Flo and a nice warm welcome to Slaaag aka Trusty Steed!
And I had numerous lovely presents and cakes made for me. I truly have some amazing friends.

Spinsterville Next Stop

I've just finished off half a cake...but it's cool. As it's my birthday!

I'm 27! Woop!
I like getting older, every year gets better and better and brings more opportunities and people to meet. I hate the idea of the day when it's worse to get older and things seem to go in the opposite direction.

In other news. I got caught speeding for the first time the other day, gutted! 9 years and finally got busted. I keep on spacing out while driving, which isn't good. I think it's due to being so tired. This week, I've failed at getting a regular amount of sleep. On about average I've had 5 hours a night but...alas it's not so evenly spaced out. Next week I'll get back on to normality, I'm a little worried about the spacing out personally.

I'd be officially classified as a spinster in Jane Austen's time - bring it on! The old maid in the corner with a bonnet and a ramshackled home.

Right, onwards and upwards. Just thought I should drop by.

Flukey Dukey

I dodge death on Friday.
OK, this might be a little dramatic but not necessarily.
I had a shit day on Friday. Last week was supposed to be my holiday but due to financial restraints, I opted to work for most of it. I had one actual day off and ended up doing housework (a womans work is never done). So, to say the least by Friday, I wasn't very relaxed or happy. That morning, I shaved a huge chunk out of my leg (nice), walked in to a door frame, couldn't find the cardigan I wanted and basically had a disastrous day!

6.30 comes round and I set off for work, for how much worse can today get?
Well, it could get as bad as a foreigner stepping in to the road, looking the wrong way, when it's not his right to cross!
And with my slamming in to said foreigner. Wanker!

I slammed straight in to him, with the only sound coming from my lips being "Woooooooeeeeeeeee"! He looks at what is making this noise, as I slam "Pow" right in to him!
I'm dismounted from my bike, in to the middle of the road. Soar elbow, knee and ankle. I pick myself up, look at him and speak the following words "you may want to look in the other direction in future". Some guys near him are trying to check I'm ok, while I scorn him. I say that I'm fine, sigh "Jesus Christ" rather loudly and carry on my way.

Only later, after my shock had subsided, did it hit me, if a bus or car had been following me, I may not be here now. I could be a lot worse off. Or maybe, if a bus or car had been following me, I may not have been knocked off my bike at all.

Either way, I'm very lucky to have got away with a sore body and nothing else. Two and a half years of cycling in Oxford and I've finally been knocked off. Thank god it was a pedestrian and nothing more.


Once again, I've fluked my way through. I feel very lucky!

Some politicians have no idea!

I haven't written a blog for well over a week, oh the horror, but I saw this news article and it's annoyed me!
What you eat doesn't make you fat of it's own accord. It's what else you eat and how much you eat.
You could get fat from eating a ton of salad everyday, all day!
What makes you fat, in my eyes, is not having a varied enough diet and also doing no exercise.
People are too reliant on everything being immediate. It's all about what is practical for when and how easy it is too use. It's nothing to do with chocolate, per say.

We currently live in a convenient world, where none of us have any time to spend on anything. We're too busy trying to get it all none asap and constantly trying to upgrade for the newer better thing.
If you don't want people to be fat, take away certain conveniences and educate them. Taxing chocolate is going to do nothing to stop it, as taxing cigarettes and alcohol proves, it just makes people poorer and more determined to get what they feel is their right! It also cripples companies economies.

It's similar to teenage pregnancy. Educate them at an early age. Parents have got to stop wrapping their kids in cotton wool, believing they are too young to hear about certain subjects and have to start thinking that they are raising a small human who will pick up things of their own accord and is it not better to give them as much detail as possible, so they can judge for themselves.
Giving someone information and guidance, doesn't encourage them to go and try it for themselves. It gives them a chance to make their own opinions up and become good judges of situations and circumstances.

I think the biggest problem with many politicians is that they are stuck in a goldfish bowl world, where they spend too long looking at tally charts and reports of small sectors of the public and never actually get out there and meet the people.
I know they have a hard job, I wouldn't want it, but taxing the public is not the answer. I find it ludicrous that their instant answers is to tax things and get money for the inconvenience. But would the tax money really go to the hospitals who deal with the obese? Does the tax money for cigarettes go to the Cancer Wards?
I hate how acclimatised our nation is that being taxed is acceptable and makes sense. Why does it? It doesn't a lot of the time.
Maybe they should stop paying themselves so much and start spending the money where it matters...on the education of the young! It's too late for my generation but it's not too late for the future generations.

Literal Music Video

Am loving this "Pirouette":

White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

I thought I loved that video, until:


In fact I think they are all awesome.


I think I love these guys!


Oh my god, they've done "They might be Giants":

2 hangovers in 12 hours, impressive!

I got to see Natalie Kate!!! I ended up having a horrendous hangover, by drinking way too much at work the night before. Also going on to dance and drink with some regulars until 3am, didn't help at all...but was fun!

So after a very slow start and an interesting bike ride across town (my brakes are bust on my bike. Last night I remembered this, this morning however? It's very interesting trying to stop a bike, which only just slows, while hurtling towards a car in the bike lane at The Plain) to the station (At this point, I looked like an extra from Top Gun crossed with a Ra, I felt like a soggy bit of used toilet roll dropped on the floor of a public toilet). I boarded a train and felt worse than before. At Marble Arch tube, I decided to walk up the stairs, don't ask why - hangover crossed with temporary insanity, I guess. After 3 flights I asked myself what I thought I was doing but chose not to give up, as I'm a fighter. I won! Screw you Marble Arch Tube Station and your stairs!!!

From here I went on down Park Lane (this is when I started to feel better, I suppose Park Lane is long enough for anyone to feel well on it), across St James Park and along the Mall. There are no bins on the Mall - grr! I had to carry my rubbish all the way along to Traf. Sq. I wonder how many photos there are of the guards at Buck Palace and Clarence House in existence? There were loads of people there snapping away.

Didn't get to see the art I wanted to, other than Christian art and I find it all such a bore. The Picasso show was sold out until 4pm, so we opted for a walk about, which obviously means going to a pub for hair of the dog. Nat's old uni friends joined us for drinks, I got pretty drunken - oppsy!

Once drunk, we finally made our way back to the shire, via Ealing Broadway, which meant we had to get the slow train...changed at Reading and left with one option, another slow train - took an hour to get from Reading to Oxford, at which point I'd sobered up and felt rather hungover all over again! 2 hangovers in 12 hours, pretty impressive if you ask me!

Popped to the pub across town to collect my bike and enjoyed a little tipple to ease my tiredness. Then met up with the Ninor for another small drink, as prearranged. Left Ninor and friends to go home, via the pub at the bottom of the hill, at which point I felt rather awake and starting chatting with some regulars, time flew by and all of a sudden it was another bedtime of 4am?!


In other news: I've no idea what to give up for Lent. It's a little late to start but I'd like to try and give up something.

My bank card got rejected last night, twice. It's lucky I didn't stay in London for the bbq, otherwise I'd have been stuck there this morning with an inability to get back to the shire for work.

I did a new painting the other day and am not that convinced by it, at all. Which is rather disappointing.

I'm 2 seasons of Arrested Development in! My favourite Chicken dance so far is Lindsay'. I can't find any single video evidence, damn it!!!

I'm still excited about this:


And am loving this song! If only there was a proper video!

Depression Cooking

I'm loving this lady, she's so adorable, with her basic cooking and little stories:

Although I don't fancy Egg Drop Soup much!
Doesn't 'Depression Cooking', sound like a bad pressure cooker? I wonder if you could cook food with depression or if in fact, the food wouldn't cook due to not feeling like it.

If you are currently watching Lost, then don't read the last paragraph of this entry!!!

Recently I did some of the family tree with the Queen. She remembers so much!!! Although I'm now trying to trace the relatives on the census online and it's a pain in the arse. Most of the time, the websites won't locate them. I've found the Queen's grandmother and that's it. The most annoying thing is that the last 3 sets of census: 1891, 1901 and 1911 are all on different websites, so you can't just click on the links and go back to the last census. It's called making life as hard as possible.

I get to see my one of my bestest friends this weekend, I can't wait! I'm also hoping to see some of the fantastic exhibitions on at the moment in London.
Van Dyck is at Tate Britain.
The National Portrait has some awesome stuff on.
Picasso at The National Gallery.
Don't fancy much on at The Tate Modern.
Saatchi's got some good shit on too.

Also need to find somewhere to eat dinner. Having a date with a best friend - what more could one want?!

Was chatting with an American chap yesterday and he's been in the UK for a week and hadn't tried Fish and Chips or Cadbury's chocolate?! Can you believe it?! I couldn't. Shocking behaviour!!! I changed this situation stat! I asked him what sort of chocolate he liked and recommended a Caramel. I got him to buy the Galaxy version too, as he needs to be able to compare. I mean, he might be a smooth chocolate fan, rather than a milk.

The Lost line below -
Locke is alive!!! Yeah!!! I love him so so much!!! Can't wait for Season 5 to get truly under way. Hurley's reaction is the best so far. I love love love love Lost so much. I'm not up for giving up for it, not at all. I've committed for so long and just think it's so great. On Seasons 3 and 4 I spent the end of each episode screaming and feeling as though a week was a month and I wouldn't make it, not at all...oh Lost, part of my heart will always belong to you!
Plus, isn't it strange that Locke can still walk, even though he's back in the real world? I thought everything was supposed to revert back to how it was before?!
And Whitmore vs Linus - loving this too!!! Loving it all...so much!

Drivel Dribble Treble

Why do Diet drinks always have that light chalky taste going on?

Listened to the new Doves album the other day and although some of their songs are kind of pretty. I don't get it, they just seem so bland.

I'm so glad that finally, Bonnie Swanson (Family Guy) has had the baby. What is that 8 years ago? Brian cracks a great joke about her being 10 already...genius!

Last night at work I was asked by an American if he could ask me some questions. I said '10 Questions'? Why not.
So he asked some boring ones and some even more rubbish ones and his final question was "Do you realise how loud you are?", he said he meant it with no offence - like I'd take any. Although my colleague and a regular did do so, on my behalf, although I told them it wasn't an issue.
I told him that yes I did but there was a perfectly good reason, "When you're raised in a house, with two older brothers and parents who both have large personalities - you also have to be loud, to get noticed!" Let's be fair, I've got the personality of a fat drunk American bird at a party but in the body of a slim English bird.

Have you seen anything about the Duggar Family? They are an American Evangelical family who have 18 children. They believe every child is a gift from god. Fair enough, they can believe what they like, although I think it's a little too easy to believe that, therefore not having to take responsibility for their actions, etc. Plus at least they pay for their own children and don't expect the country to pay for their upbringing.
Although I can't help that think her womb has seen more people, than a lift in a Vertigo Clinic.

You must be having a laugh? What will they think of next?

Do it in your own Country, keep it out of ours. If we have an issue about it, we'll deal with it. Oooo, let the wrath rain down!!!

I've started watching Arrested Development from the start - golly it makes me laugh so so much!!! If you haven't invested time to watch it, do it!!!

Plus I am loving this: The New Macbook

Not sure if I've mentioned this before...

...but my favourite musical and favourite Disney film have the same theme, I'm not sure if it means anything? Or if it's just a massive coincidence.
My favourite musical is Phantom of the Opera and my favourite Disney film is, yep you've guessed it, Beauty and the Beast.
Now I've probably mentioned them before, god I've been writing shit on this thing for long enough, I will probably do what Septic Peg does and start re-using old entries for new ones, god knows they've died some what, compared to two years ago.

Not sure if the fact that my two favourite sing-a-long films both feature hideous looking, misunderstood men with mass infatuation, means anything? Not sure if the girls being independent but also reliant on men, means anything? Not sure if their being pursued by swash buckling heroes, means anything either but it is pretty weird?!


I recently finished reading Carrie Fisher's auto-biography Wishful Drinking. It is brilliant!!! It's like you've gone for a cup of coffee with her and she's telling you it all over a nice bit of Carrot Cake. She has such a lovely writing style. She's not just Princess Leia or some famous people's kid (and it really threw me that her mum is the lady who plays Mrs Adler in Will & Grace), she's also generally fabulous and very frankly entertaining in a very humble way. Read it, you won't be disappointed.

I've finally got round to making the cushion covers I've been meaning to make for our sitting room. By the time we've moved out, our house will be perfect and just how I always wanted it to be. Just need to put some curtains in the kitchen and maybe, just maybe..
The tiler/plumber/fix-it man finally finished our toilet and downstairs shower, only a month in the doing. It's so odd to have our hallway back to being ours, rather than a worksite. And our downstairs toilet is even more of a desirable place to be. Unlike the public toilet it was when we first moved in. Our little ramshackled house is becoming even more of a home.

Here here

I agree with Axl, it is a funny and random video:

Axl's blog

Look down at his feet...pssss!

Who needs Bob, when you've got Pipsywoo

Two reasons that I'm excited about cinema going in 2009!

Star Trek - The Movie Trailer



OK, I'll admit it. I'm a bit of a geek. I like to know how things work. I love CGI. I love hearing about new software and hardware. I love gadgets (more than I can express but only useful ones) and I love HTML coding. But I think there is nothing more satisfying than taking something broken and fixing it. Whether that be a broken figurine, electoral equipment, etc.
Recently I was printing out some photos for our Hall of Fame (an artistic feature at my house aka total humiliation of myself and housemates) and my photo printer broke and wouldn't reset. There is also no over ride button, which is annoying. It was buggered!

So what does a normal human being do? They'd probably either send it off to the manufactors, take it back to the shop (although mine is about 4-5 years old now), but I don't think they'd take it apart. Alas, I did. I've done it before, when the cartridge jammed, so why not now.
Jewellery screw drivers out -
5 minutes in: I was in to the main motor and mother board.
10 minutes: I'd located the cartridge cogs.
15 minutes: I'd manually reset the cartridge drive.
25 minutes: Printer fixed and back together with no bits left over. Not even a random washer (where do they come from?).
27 minutes: Have I really fixed it?
29 minutes: Yes, yes I have! Job done!
If I'd sent it off, it would have been a 3-4 week, £100+ job!

I get this obsession with taking things apart and fixing them, from my dad. As I kid, I was always called to assist my dad in his projects. Mainly because I had a steady hand and small wrists, I won't go in to how many times I tighten screws or bolts up in car engines. My dad was a handyman in his own right, I don't ever remember seeing a plumber, electrician or builder at our house as a kid (if things needed doing, he did it. No matter what it was). Nowadays you have to get someone in, due to regulations but back when lead paint was the norm, hell no!

But there is a major satisfaction in seeing something back to it's former glory from deaths door. The kind of satisfaction you can't get from anything else. I think that if I knew all of the terminology and names of everything, I'd be discovered as a geek but not knowing it all, means I can hide it behind make up and high heels.

And yes I am a little OCD about things too but that's for another time.

Do you come from the country?

While driving to work this morning, some little arsey boy-racer punk decided to cut me up, I then ended up over taking him and after a roundabout, he decided to come shooting up my arse and sat on my tail for ages and then finally shot off. At which point I really wanted to be an undercover policeman and pull him over, little shit and his bad driving.

Isn't it odd how one song on the radio can make everything seem better. I was in a rather nonchalant mood this morning and then selected one of my favourite happy songs and wham bam, there I was the happiest person in the world. I love how something so simple can make life seem so much better. This happens quite a lot and I love it when it happens.

There is still loads of snow in Boars Hill - it's so cool. Although I nearly fell flat on my face on my colleague's driveway.

My friends are going traveling in April, which is ace! They'll have such a great time. But their leaving do is a fancy dress do with the theme: Countries. Some people are attending as C*nt Trees, a friend as a Dutch girl and someone is going all in white and being Colombia. I was thinking maybe I could go as Istanbul (by wearing bowls on my feet) but I've been informed Istanbul is a city, not a country - damn my geographical knowledge.
So maybe, wearing one arm as a crane and a U on my other hand = Ukraine.
Wear a green cape = Cape Verde.
Wait around in a Q = Kuwait.
I'll think of something, hopefully it'll be cheap but effective. I might go as a Country gent?

Oh the Irony

While popping out for some lunch earlier, I came across a young lady wearing a pair of wellies.
The wellies had a slogan on them (foolish girl). The slogan read "I wish my boyfriend was as dirty as these boots".


I had to take a photo, just to prove I wasn't making it up.
Oh the irony? The boots were brand new and sparkling clean.
I really wanted to approach her and say "so you want him clean and made of rubber" but thought better of it.

The Irish know how to party

I've had a weekend of drinking. I think my liver finally gave up yesterday, when it took me over an hour to drink a pint of shandy.
Friday consists of the day off, due to not being able to move my car, well in fact that's wrong, I did move it 10 foot. Apparently you can't with a Nissan! So after not going to work, I mulled around home doing stuff and then set off early for work at the pub with Ginge and a little pub crawl in tow.
2 pints, some very slow walking and occasional slipping (wellies are water proof but not necessarily grand for grip), good chat and 2 hours later, we arrived at work. Ginge started work and I sat in the garden with some regulars drinking. We had some fun.

Later that evening there was another regular sitting in the garden with a female friend. On my way to the cellar, I was asked what I looked for in a man. I stated the simple 3 piece list: to feel wanted but not over crowded and to be made to laugh. Basically I'm looking for my equal, I don't need a man, I'd like one though. I've found this scares most men. They like to be needed. Most say they don't but they love having someone who constantly needs them and makes them feel wanted. Anyway, I'm running away from the point of this. This girl was upset that all she seems to do is meet losers or guys who screw her over and went on and on about it for about 4 hours (but that's for another time when I want a good rant. Her poor mate.). I told her to get on with being herself and that eventually she'd meet the perfect someone. She said she'd done that for long enough and was fed up, fair enough.

Later that evening I found out she was 21. I wish I hadn't even bothered to try and talk sense to her...silly girl. There I was thinking she was an adult, who had an idea about life and alas not at all...

Saturday consisted of celebrating Hazel's birthday, awesome night all in all.
But Sunday, well..I worked the Rugby, golly the Scottish team are way more attractive than the Welsh, not sure if it's the kits or if it's just fact?

Then Chips and I decided to dine out. Nina joined us for Red Star, Tsingtao were drunk. Then off to the Busty where beers, shots and gin & bollocks were drunk, then home to The Duke for some nightcap drinks, or so we thought. At 1.30am we found ourselves entering the Half Moon. I highly recommend The Half Moon on a Sunday night, you either have to have been drinking in there all night or know someone but basically, they have a little soiree with Celtic singers and fiddlers and is a great night all in all. I even drank Guinness. Too much fun was had and it was my third bedtime after the hour of 4am.